IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic: many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages?

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It is undeniable that
much
Correct determiner usage
many
show examples
 working
hours
Use synonyms
 with short
time
Use synonyms
 for activities is one of the major concepts that many
people
Use synonyms
talking
Wrong verb form
talk
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 about
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
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 believe having a long period of
time
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 is suitable, there is
also
Linking Words
 a
contrast
Replace the word
contrasting
 viewpoint on
this
Linking Words
 matter. From my perspective, the person should balance between
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 job and
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 real life. One of the main notable
advantages
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 is
employees
Correct word choice
that employees
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 can close every task
on it is
Change preposition
within the
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 required
time
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.
Also
Linking Words
, will improve their skills faster than
people
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Use synonyms
work
Correct pronoun usage
who work
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 only for 4
hours
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.
For example
Linking Words
, many books illustrate that more working
hours
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leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 to more productivity.
This
Linking Words
 clearly shows
people
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 with extra
hours
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 are sometimes
prefared
Correct your spelling
preferred
 by the
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, a major drawback is
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that this
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 long period of
time
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 will cause health issues to the person. It can
also
Linking Words
 argue
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 employee will
look
Verb problem
make
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 high vacation requests and
leaves
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, I heard
in
Change preposition
on
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 the radio a
days
Correct determiner usage
few days
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 ago that
people
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 with no available
time
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 for enjoyment and lovely activities
losing
Verb problem
are losing
show examples
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 faster
as a result
Linking Words
 of the massive load on them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, employees having
another
Correct determiner usage
other
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 interesting hobbies like reading, drawing, singing, and much more than just spending their
time
Use synonyms
in the
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
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 with specific tasks to perform.
This
Linking Words
 proves why some
people
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 think the disadvantages
are
Verb problem
apply
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exceed the
advantages
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. In conclusion, as a majority of
people
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 believe the disadvantages
overweigh
Use the right word
outweigh
show examples
 the
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advantages
Punctuation problem
advantages,
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 no one can remove the
advantages
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. I am convinced that having a balance between the working
hours
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 and
time
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 outside the
work
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 will have
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 amazing development in the
socity
Correct your spelling
society
.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly that the bad points are greater than the good points, and keep this idea in all body parts.
task response
Explain each main idea more. Do not only state a point; add why and how it happens.
task response
Use clearer examples. Some examples now are too general or not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences simpler and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Use basic words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Check each sentence so the meaning is easy to understand. Some parts are hard to follow because of grammar and word order.
task response
You answered the topic and gave both good and bad sides.
task response
Your opinion is present in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, body, body, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used linking words like while, however, for instance, and moreover.
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