IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet has changed the world. Many people say not for the better. They say that the internet causes problems for both society and individual people. To what extent do you agree.

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The
internet
Use synonyms
 has a big
effect
Use synonyms
 on the world. Many
people
Use synonyms
 see the
internet
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in different ways of
Correct word order
as a cause of different
show examples
 problems
causes
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society and
individual
Change preposition
for individual
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide information to support my opinion. On the one hand, the
internet
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 has a useful
effect
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 on society.
First,
Linking Words
communication
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 easier nowadays.
Moreover
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,
people
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 from
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 distance can communicate better with
the
Correct article usage
their
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 family and friends.
Also
Linking Words
, other countries can be in touch with each other
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 the
internet
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.
Second,
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education can be very helpful
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 the
internet
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.
For example
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, teenagers can
took
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 online classes from their homes.
Furthermore
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, there are many applications
help
Correct pronoun usage
that help
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 them to provide their education and be better.
Third,
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businesses can be more active because of the
internet
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.
In addition
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, lots of local brands are selling their products online.
Also
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, businesses can use applications to develop their
selling
Replace the word
sales
 services.
On the other hand
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, the
internet
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 has a
damage
Replace the word
damaging
effect
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 on individual
people
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. First of all, the
internet
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 can cause many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health problems.
Moreover
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, low physical
activities
Check wording
activity
show examples
 leads to
uncounted
Correct word choice
countless
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 issues .
Also
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, staying on video games can cause obesity.
Second,
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the
internet
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 isolated the
people
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.
For example
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, they will not have any friends
can
Correct pronoun usage
who can
show examples
 talk and play with them .
Also
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, when they
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
communicat
Correct your spelling
communicating
 with
others
Punctuation problem
others,
show examples
 their personality will change .
Finally
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, the
internet
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waste
Correct subject-verb agreement
wastes
show examples
teenagers
Check wording
teenagers'
show examples
 time.
In addition
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, they play on computers games
instead
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 of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, they will miss the family gathering.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, the
internet
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 has a wonderful and important
effect
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 on society.
However
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, it has
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 unwanted impact on individual
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear from the start. Say if you agree a little, half, or a lot, and keep this same idea in all parts.
task response
Add more direct support for your ideas. Some points are good, but they need a bit more detail to show why they are true.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and real. For example, say how online study helps students save time, or how too much gaming can hurt sleep and study.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, 2 body parts, and end. Keep this shape, because it helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are good, but a few are used too much. Try to use fewer links and make each sentence flow in a more natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence in one part stays on the same main idea. A few sentences are hard to follow because the grammar makes the meaning less clear.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic: good for society and bad for people.
task response
Your essay gives more than one main point in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, so the essay feels complete.
coherence and cohesion
The body parts are grouped by topic, which helps the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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