IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that to be successful, you need to get a university degree, whereas others say it is not true. Discuss both the ideas.

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To become
properous
Correct your spelling
prosperous
, a university
degree
Use synonyms
 is compulsory,
Linking Words
However
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some people assume that it is not correct.
Although
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 qualifying
into
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a
degree
Use synonyms
 makes you compatible for
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
 and corporate life,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the time utilised in taking a
four year long
Correct your spelling
four-year-long
degree
Use synonyms
 can be spent in making a
Use synonyms
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
. A university qualification can make you
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 in your upcoming professional life, by providing you with unlimited career options.
Hence
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, if your academic profile is strong and you have qualified with superior marks numberless companies and corporations will wish to work with you. Qualified
induviuals
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individuals
 are always
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 by employers,
in
Change preposition
as a
show examples
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 they are paid more and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 of
privedges
Correct your spelling
privileges
 are rewarded to them.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Japan
corporate
Punctuation problem
, corporate
show examples
 companies always tend to hire personnel with high CGPA and a good academic background, apart from
induviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 with low distinctions and uneven
record
Check wording
records
show examples
. Rather than spending your time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a long
degree
Use synonyms
, you can start your own
Use synonyms
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 or company with only a year
long
Change preposition
of
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 experience or more. Apart from studying in a
four year long
Correct your spelling
four-year-long
Use synonyms
degree
Punctuation problem
degree,
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 you can simply
organize
Change the spelling
organise
show examples
 your own startup, because in a
Use synonyms
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 you have no restrictions
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 timing or attendance. Investing in your own company could support you
than
Rephrase
more than
show examples
any other thing
Correct your spelling
anything else
, and you can become fortunate in a short period of time.
For example
Linking Words
, a global research publishes that people who start their own
Use synonyms
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 become more prominent in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and apparently earn more than anyone.
To conclude
Linking Words
, taking a university
degree
Use synonyms
 could help you
get in
Verb problem
keep
show examples
 pace with the world
Linking Words
hence
Punctuation problem
, hence
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 giving you more
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 if you engage yourself in
bussiness
Use synonyms
 you can payout more and become
waelthy
Correct your spelling
wealthy
 in a shorter period.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. You talk about degree and business, but your ideas need more depth.
task response
Make your main idea very clear in each body paragraph. Start with one clear point, then explain it.
task response
Use examples that feel real and clear. Some examples now are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences are long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid putting too many ideas in one sentence. Shorter sentences can make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences and keep all support under that one point.
task response
You discuss both views, so you address the question.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph order is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • admission policies
  • merit-based admissions
  • diverse student body
  • socio-economic background
  • inclusivity
  • academic standards
  • equal opportunities
  • quota system
  • cultural exchange
  • globalization of education
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