IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that those who start a career and keep working in the same field for years will have a more satisfying work life than those who keep changing jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years, the issue of
career
Use synonyms
 change has sparked considerable debate.
While
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 some people believe that keeping pursuing
career
Use synonyms
 paths in the same fields allows individuals to obtain satisfying results, I tend to agree that sometimes
career
Use synonyms
trasition
Correct your spelling
transition
 can lead to a relatively fulfilling work life. On the one hand, the definition of a successful and satisfying job has already changed over the past years. Nowadays, employees don’t merely value financial stability and social status
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 whether a job can offer a sense of self-achievement is equally taken into consideration.
This
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 means workers are turning to seek jobs providing with enough room for professional and personal growth through a variety of challenges. An increasing number of slashers can serve as a specific instance. Some youth make the best of their time after work to be influencers. To them,
this
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 side hustle is more
just
Correct word choice
than just
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 earning extra income
,
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;
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 helping others through experience sharing fosters a sense of accomplishment, which in turn generates a positive feedback loop.
On the other hand
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, the rapid changes in
job
Correct article usage
the job
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 market alongside the development of the entire society
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 another critical factor. With the advance of technology, plenty of emerging businesses appear
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 traditional industries fade out every year. Employers usually require candidates to be equipped with cross-domain knowledge,
such
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 as so-called X-shaped talents, to meet the diverse needs in
commercial
Correct article usage
the commercial
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 world.
Consequently
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, workers tend to accumulate experiences in different functions and
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
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 to broaden horizon, enrich
resumes
Correct determiner usage
their resumes
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, stand out from peers and
hence
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 secure more options. In conclusion, I firmly believe that transferring careers at
right
Correct article usage
the right
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timing
Replace the word
time
 can lead to win-win situations for both employees and employers in the long run. It pinpoints a more sensible approach to design
career
Use synonyms
path
Check wording
paths
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern society by turning individuals’ passive one-way devotion to proactive self-investment.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear from the start. Say more directly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree.
task response
Keep your position the same all through the essay. At one point, you seem to agree with job change, but the topic asks you to compare this with staying in one field for years.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your second main point. This will make your ideas feel more real and full.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Explain how changing jobs gives a more satisfying work life, not only more job chances.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, 2 body parts, and end. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some are good, like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand', but a few lines feel long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Break long ideas into shorter parts. This will help your meaning stay clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each body part has one main idea and then support it fully before moving on.
task response
You answer the topic and give a clear view in the introduction and the end.
task response
You include an example about young people doing extra work online. This helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words to show the flow of ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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