IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Technology has impacted on the way people interact. These days, many people use technologies such as mobile phones and the internet to meet and communicate. What are the advantages and disadvantages of using technology to establish and develop relationships?

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Nowadays, many
people
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 use technologies
such
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 as
smartphones
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 and the internet to access social
media
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 platforms and communicate with others.
This
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 trend has become increasingly common in modern society.
This
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 technology offers several benefits
as well as
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 some drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of the effects of technology on our lives. One of the main advantages of using
smartphones
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 and the internet is the ability to communicate quickly with family and friends.
People
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 can make phone calls, send messages, or use video calls to see and talk to others regardless of distance.
This
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 form of communication is very useful because it connects
people
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 around the world.
In addition
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, social
media
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 platforms allow individuals to learn about different cultures and explore other countries from their homes through online content.
On the other hand
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, using
smartphones
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 and social
media
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also
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 has several disadvantages. One major drawback is that it can waste a significant amount of time. Many
people
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 spend hours browsing social
media
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 without
realizing
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realising
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 how much time has passed.
As a result
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, they may neglect important responsibilities
such
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 as studying, working, or spending time with family. These negative effects cannot be ignored. In conclusion,
although
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 technologies
such
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 as
smartphones
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 and the internet have some disadvantages, I believe that their advantages are more significant because they provide many benefits for individuals and help
people
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 stay connected.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about good and bad points, but the bad side has only one main idea.
task response
Add one more clear disadvantage about relationships, like less face-to-face talk or weak real bonds.
task response
Use more specific examples. For example, say how video calls help long-distance families or how social media can cause weak friendship.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are easy to follow because each paragraph has one main topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. You use 'On the other hand' and 'In addition' well, but you can add more links inside body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point more. Some points are true, but they need one more sentence of explanation or example.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your writing stays on the topic and answers the main question in a basic way.
task response
The conclusion gives your opinion clearly.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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