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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competitiveness is a positive quality, while others believe that it can have negative effects on individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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While
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 certain individuals believe that
competitiveness
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 is an advantageous trait, others argue that it can have a negative impact on
people
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion. On the one hand,
competitiveness
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 is one of the most important aspects of our lives. A competitive spirit can motivate
people
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 to achieve their goals and improve their skills. When individuals compete, they start working harder to develop new skills or to progress
on
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in
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 what they already have.
Mistakes
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The mistakes
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 and shortcomings they made the
last
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 time
help
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helped
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 them to understand their weaknesses and correct them.
For example
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, in sports, athletes train much harder when they have strong opponents, and they will keep trying to become more powerful in the sport.
On the other hand
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,
competitiveness
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 can bring negative emotions for some
people
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 who are jealous and angry because others are much better
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then
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than
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 them. Nowadays, a huge part of society is becoming more and more aggressive and more easily influenced by emotions, losing control of themselves.
That kind
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Those kinds
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 of
people
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 usually can not progress at all
,
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;
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 they lose their minds because of their own mistakes, and
instead
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 of learning and correcting defects, it's much easier for them to violate someone
due to
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 their own losses. In conclusion,
while
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 a competitive drive can motivate
people
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 to work harder and achieve success, it can
also
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 lead to high stress levels and negative emotions. In my opinion,
competitiveness
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 is a good quality, but only if individuals maintain a healthy balance and avoid hurting their relationships with others.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. The good side is clear, but the bad side needs one more clear point.
task response
Give your opinion in a stronger way in the body, not only in the end.
task response
Use one more real or clear example for the bad side.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more clearly with words like 'as a result', 'for this reason', and 'however'.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with long sentences, because some parts are hard to follow.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening and ending.
task response
The sports example helps support your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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