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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Technology is being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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While
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 some argue that using
technology
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 is a positive trend, others talk about it is leading to negative results
on
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for
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 their children. In
this
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 essay, the benefits and risks
assosiated
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associated
 with using
technology
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 in education will be discussed, and my opinion will be given. Using
technology
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 in classes
are
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is
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 normal for nowadays people. It may give the
students
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 to follow the trends much more easier than before because of the increase
of
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in
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 social media and
internet
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imformation
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information
.
For example
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,
childeren
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children
 can talk with their
freinds
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friends
 about what they saw
before
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apply
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the day
and
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before and
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 have a discussion with them, which helps to find more
vast
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extensive
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 knowledge.
Furthermore
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, it could make them
to except
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accept
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 new things
more
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apply
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faster
what
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than what
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 they learn.
On the other hand
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, using
technology
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 in education will
be
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apply
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cause
negative
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a negative
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 effect
to
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on
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students
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. If
students
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 use too much
technology
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 during the class, it will cause
distraction
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a distraction
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. Watching social media and
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internet
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the internet
show examples
give
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gives
show examples
 them a lot of information, which does not need to know in classes.
For example
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, if the children approach
to
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apply
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it many time they will think education will be boring and think about other things,
witch
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which
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 they saw on the
internet
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. In conclusion, using
technology
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 will give
benefit
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benefits
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 to
students
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while
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 they learn
somthing
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something
,
i
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I
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 believe that it will cause many interupt on their
concentrate moment
Replace the word
concentration
. In
this
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 aspect i think adults should take care of
childrens
Check wording
children's
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 capability on
internet
Use synonyms
 access.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Say more about why tech is good and why it is bad.
task response
Give your opinion more clearly. Keep the same view from start to end.
task response
Use examples that are clear and close to the topic of school and learning.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part, then add support for it.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, on the other hand, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence easy to follow. Some parts are hard to understand now.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some link words like for example and on the other hand.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • access to information
  • learn at their own pace
  • online lessons
  • digital tools
  • make lessons more interesting
  • keep students engaged
  • explain ideas clearly
  • distance learning
  • remote areas
  • equal opportunity
  • face-to-face interaction
  • social skills
  • short attention span
  • cause distraction
  • waste time
  • screen time
  • stable internet connection
  • cannot afford devices
  • create inequality
  • a balanced approach
  • support traditional teaching
  • clear guidelines
What to do next:
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