IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

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Income is essential to our daily living,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 some value it more than others. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss what I believe are correct uses of
money
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 and what else is necessary to have a good life.
Firstly
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,
money
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 should be used to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 our basic human needs.
For example
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, in many
empoverished
Correct your spelling
impoverished
 countries, people do not have access to water and food because they cannot afford
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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. These are basic human rights, which sadly require
money
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 in order to be attained.
However
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,
one
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's savings should not be spent on useless materialistic objects.
Instead
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, going on unforgettable experiences, either alone or with loved ones, can be a far superior use of
one
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's savings. Trips are great for improving mental health, strengthening bonds, and
offer
Wrong verb form
offering
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 lasting memories compared to items. Thankfully, exorbitant wealth is not necessary to live a good life.
One
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 can have all the
money
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 in the world, but if they do not see their family and friends, can they truly enjoy it?
For instance
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, a cardiac surgeon who spends all day at the hospital may be
payed
Verb problem
paid
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 very well, but never
see
Correct subject-verb agreement
sees
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 their family.
Thus
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, a good work-life balance is an essential component of happiness.
Additionally
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, many people work at jobs they do not enjoy, in pursuit of higher earnings.
This
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, in turn, leaves them without a sense of
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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 despite working at high-earning jobs.
Hence
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, quality time with our loved ones and fulfilling work are important factors
to
Change preposition
in
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 living a good life. In
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, capital can largely influence
one
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's happiness, as without it many basic needs cannot be afforded.
On the other hand
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, in order to be happy,
one
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 must feel fulfilled from their line of work and spend time with those who matter, which
money
Use synonyms
 alone cannot provide.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question in a more direct way in each body paragraph.
task response
Add one more clear example about what money should not be used for.
task response
Make your main view very clear from the start and keep it the same through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way and do not use too many.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph center on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word errors because they can make the flow less smooth.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
task response
Your ideas are clear and easy to follow.
task response
You use examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a good order.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words help the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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