IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the government should have the rigght to monitor and control all internet activities to ensure national security. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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More and more people think that government
regulate
Replace the word
regulation of
 digital communication is considered to be more advantageous than leaving the internet without strict rules. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
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 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I believe that a specific level of
monitor
Replace the word
monitoring
 is essential to prevent cybercrime and protect the public for two reasons. First of all, I believe that the internet
full
Verb problem
is full
show examples
 of illegal activities that should be considered. In fact,
platform
Correct article usage
the platform
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 offers various drawbacks
such
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 as hacking and identity theft that must
monitor
Wrong verb form
be monitored
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 closely to prevent
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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.
Although
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 privacy is a primary right, you can observe an adverse effect of digital activities
for
Change preposition
in the
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 long run and how important
to
Verb problem
it is to
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 keep everyone
safes
Correct your spelling
safe
. A study published by The Global Digital Security Forum in 2024 concluded that countries
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 introduced strict cyber-laws saw a 30% reduction in online criminal cases.
In addition
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, I believe that controlling the internet is vital
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 for vulnerable groups like children and adolescents. What I mean is that the web
full
Verb problem
is full
show examples
 of harmful
contents
Check wording
content
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 that requires a special monitor to protect
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals.
Furthermore
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, preventing harmful and illegal websites
protect
Correct subject-verb agreement
protects
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 the
country
Check wording
country's
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 safety and the next generation.
For example
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,
platform
Correct subject-verb agreement
platforms
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 like YouTube
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
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 certain
feature
Fix the agreement mistake
features
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 to give
to the
Change preposition
apply
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parents
the
Correct article usage
apply
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control
to
Change preposition
over
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 limiting what their children watch.
As a result
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, controlling digital content protects children and improves
the
Correct article usage
apply
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awareness. In conclusion, I believe that
while
Linking Words
 taking control may be controversial, the government should put
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict regulation to ensure a safe nation and
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 secure society.

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task response
Answer all parts more fully. You agree, but you should also talk a little about the other side and then show why your view is stronger.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. Some points are good, but a few sentences are hard to understand because of word form and grammar problems.
task response
Use more exact examples. The study and YouTube example help, but explain more clearly how they support your idea.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: intro, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep this plan.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas inside each body part more smoothly. Some sentences feel separate, not fully joined to the main point.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences and then explain each one step by step.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
task response
You answer the topic and stay on it through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You use simple link words like 'First of all', 'In addition', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
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