Nowadays, some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is widely acknowledged that public
museums
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and
art
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galleries
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have a great impact on countries' values.
While
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some people believe that the existence of public
museums
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and
art
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galeries
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galleries
is not seen as a fundamental need by
the
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apply
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society because individuals can visit museum by online, I strongly agree that the need
of
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for
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museums
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and
galleries
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is an integral part of our lives, allowing us to preserve our cultural heritage and provide a space for
artists
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.
This
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essay will elaborate on my position with relevant arguments and examples. The foremost reason to support my view is that public
museums
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ensure a safe environment where they can be preserved under controlled conditions.
This
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is because these
artifacts
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artefacts
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are very fragile,
they
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and they
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require
a
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apply
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professional care.
In addition
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, in the
museums
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, they can be monitored by surveillance cameras, preventing the risk of being stolen.
For instance
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, the British Museum is a well-known museum that preserves Britain's cultural heritage under optimal conditions and with strict security measures, resulting in eliminating the risk of being damaged or stolen.
Therefore
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, public
museums
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provide a controlled and well-equipped environment for the historical
artifacts
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artefacts
show examples
that change the nation's history. Another reason to justify my stance is that
art
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galleries
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provide an opportunity for
artists
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, enabling them to showcase their works in public
places
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.
This
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is because these
places
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are often visited by individuals who are interested in
art
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, so they can connect with people through
art
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's unifying effect.
Furthermore
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,
artists
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can find a chance to receive funding or sell their works in these
places
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, which are vital to continue their lives. To illustrate, Montreal, which has an enormous number of
art
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galleries
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, provides many opportunities for
artists
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to rent these spaces for free, thereby attracting a large number of
artists
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to the city, who can benefit from people's interest.
Thus
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, there is a strong relationship between
art
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museums
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and
artists
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' benefits. In conclusion,
while
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some individuals believe that
museums
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and
art
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galleries
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are unnecessary for the country, I firmly maintain that they ensure a safe place for cultural heritage and provide many opportunities for
artists
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, which are vital benefits of having these
places
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.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear at the start. Your view is good, but some lines are long and hard to follow.
task response
Add one more short idea about why seeing art online is not enough. This will make your answer more full.
task response
Check word use very carefully. A few wrong word forms make your ideas less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are used well, but a few sentences are too long. Break them into shorter ones.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each body paragraph has one main point only, then explain it in a direct way.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
Your examples are relevant and help support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction, body, and conclusion are easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas move in a logical order.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual
  • digital
  • online
  • accessibility
  • inclusivity
  • cultural heritage
  • physical experience
  • immersion
  • local tourism
  • economy
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