IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, there is a growing trend of young people moving from rural areas to large cities, leading to the decline of countryside communities. What are the reasons for this migration, and what steps can be taken to encourage people to stay in rural areas?

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
 more
people
Use synonyms
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 young
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
 are going to urban
areas
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
suppost
Wrong verb form
is supposed
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 to decrease
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
show examples
Use synonyms
areas
Check wording
areas'
show examples
 population. In
this
Linking Words
 essay
reason
Punctuation problem
, reason
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 of
this
Linking Words
 and possible solutions will be discussed. The main reason is
opportunities
Use synonyms
 in
education
Use synonyms
,
job
Use synonyms
 and social life. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 limited
opportunities
Use synonyms
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 for young
people
Use synonyms
.
Education
Use synonyms
 is an obligation to have a good career
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
 reach
this
Linking Words
 kind of
education
Use synonyms
 in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they need to move to big cities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 good
education
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as New York, California, cambridge and
oxford
Capitalize the proper name
Oxford
show examples
. Regarding
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
,
as a result
Linking Words
 of their population
big
Punctuation problem
, big
show examples
 cities have lots of
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 if we compare with rural
areas
Use synonyms
. There are more
people
Use synonyms
 in big cities
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they need more
people
Use synonyms
 to work. There is another factor of migration that hardness of
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
show examples
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
. There arent enought socializing
areas
Use synonyms
 in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
cant socialize
Correct your spelling
can't socialise
 with each other. Even
they
Correct word choice
though they
show examples
 have enough place to
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
show examples
, there are not enough
people
Use synonyms
 to
socialize
Change preposition
socialise with
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 see
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all the time because of these
areas
Use synonyms
 population. The solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation is
that
Correct word choice
for the government to
show examples
 develop these
areas
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, by
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by government in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
especially
education
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 who immigrate for
education
Use synonyms
 mostly
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 come back to their hometown.
For instance
Linking Words
, some technical schools which can build in these
areas
Use synonyms
 may solve both
education
Use synonyms
 and
job
Use synonyms
 opportunity problems.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 can build new
cinema
Check wording
cinemas
show examples
 or shopping malls for young
people
Use synonyms
 to solve
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
show examples
 problems. Conclusively, immigration from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to urban
areas
Use synonyms
 is a fact
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it can be solved by
governments
Check wording
governments'
show examples
 support and awareness.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more full way. You give reasons and solutions, but some ideas are short.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Explain your ideas more. For example, say how better schools in rural areas can help young people stay.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. Keep all reasons in one clear order and all solutions in one clear order.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow most of the time.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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