IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Cars have become a convenient and economical form of transport and as a result, the use of cars has increased dramatically during the last century. Discuss the problems this increase has created, and offer some practical solutions.

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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world, there is an increasing number of people utilising personal cars for their daily travel as they are convenient and affordable. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we will discuss
about
Change preposition
apply
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the significant issues
this
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 trend has caused and possible ways to solve those problems. One of the long term consequences of mass population owning vehicles is that they increase carbon
emission
Check wording
emissions
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, which contribute
in
Change preposition
to
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 global warming. When individuals opt for
private
Correct article usage
a private
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 form of transport, they produce harmful
gasses
Use the right word
gases
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 into the environment and pollute our planet.
For example
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,
cities
Change preposition
in cities
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 where
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
services
Check wording
transportation services
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 for travelling are not
developed
Correct word choice
well-developed
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, citizens living there often have to use their own cars, which
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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 the
surrounding
Check wording
environment
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 and their health.
On the other hand
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, these issues can be solved if the government invest their large portion of
budget
Correct determiner usage
its budget
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for
Change preposition
in
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 the development of public transportation
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as trains, trams, and buses. The authorities should make these travel services accessible, affordable, and convenient because
this
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 will motivate everyone to take
Correct article usage
the
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bus when travelling to their work or anywhere they desire.
For instance
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, Melbourne has implemented a policy for free trams inside the city, which allows individuals to use those facilities given by the government and save their money.
Consequently
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,
this
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 has not only dropped the number of private vehicles in the city
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 but
also
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 improved the quality of
air
Correct article usage
the air
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.
To conclude
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, it is true that
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of individuals owning personal vehicles
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 dramatically
rised
Wrong verb form
risen
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 in recent years, becoming the leading cause of global warming and pollution
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, if the
concern
Replace the word
concerned
 authorities prioritise investment
on
Change preposition
in
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 public buses, trains, and other
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
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 of
transport
Punctuation problem
transport,
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this
Linking Words
 issue will be resolved.

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task response
Write one more main problem, not only air pollution. You can add traffic jams or noise.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Say how and why the problem grows, and how the solution will work.
task response
Use examples with more detail. Your Melbourne example is good, but add one more clear example.
coherence and cohesion
Make some links more natural. For example, use 'This causes...' or 'As a result...' in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Check some sentence order and grammar because small errors make your meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear idea in each body paragraph: one for problems, one for solutions.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: problems and solutions.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'On the other hand', 'For example', and 'Consequently'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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