IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
rapid
Correct article usage
the rapid
show examples
expasion
Correct your spelling
expansion
 of supermarkets
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 many small local businesses brings
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
death to local communities. I strongly believe that it can lead to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of community with local
people
Use synonyms
 and it distract reigion
economy
Use synonyms
 for the local inhabitants. Having small local
stores
Use synonyms
 in their
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 is not just a simple shop to sell products. If we go to
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 store shop it can increase community skills
talking
Change preposition
by talking
show examples
 with
store
Correct article usage
the store
show examples
 master. For
exaple
Correct your spelling
example
, going to a
litte
Correct your spelling
little
 local business and
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
show examples
 with
sombody
Correct your spelling
somebody
 in your
neighbor hood
Correct your spelling
neighbourhood
 will improve
the socialize
Replace the word
socialising
 with local
people
Use synonyms
. Eventually, that will make them
a
Verb problem
have a
show examples
strong bond
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
,
this
Linking Words
 bond will make them want to help and
supportive
Verb problem
be supportive
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their region and get more attention
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 local
stores
Use synonyms
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, even if
people
Use synonyms
 go to
supermarket
Correct article usage
the supermarket
show examples
, the local community
economy
Use synonyms
 won'
t
Use synonyms
 go well
proply
Correct your spelling
properly
. Going to big
stores
Use synonyms
 will be nice and easy to buy objects
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it will damage their local
economy
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 eventually it
decrease
Verb problem
will decrease
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's circumstances.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if
this
Linking Words
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
 lasts
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 money won'
t
Use synonyms
 make it to their
earning issues
Check wording
earnings
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if local
people
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 purchase
nothing
Rewrite the sentence
anything
show examples
 in their local business
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 master of
stores
Use synonyms
 can'
t
Use synonyms
 earn the money
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the local
have
Check wording
people have
show examples
 trouble with handling
economy
Use synonyms
 system. For these reasons,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that big shops
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have many advantages to
people
Use synonyms
, but if
people
Use synonyms
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to
enhnace
Correct your spelling
enhance
 their local
Use synonyms
economy
Punctuation problem
economy,
show examples
 it will be
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
 to visit more
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
local shops.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it can improve relationships with
neighborehoods
Correct your spelling
neighbourhoods
 and
region
Replace the word
regional
people
Use synonyms
 and get
virval
Correct your spelling
valuable
 skills that
someone
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have to communicate with.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree, and keep this same idea all through the essay.
task response
Add more clear support for each main idea. Explain how small shops help the community and how supermarkets harm it.
task response
Use one real and simple example for each main point. Your example about meeting neighbors is helpful, but it needs more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, and therefore. Some parts now are hard to connect.
coherence and cohesion
Make your sentences shorter and clearer. Some ideas are good, but they are hard to understand because the sentence form is weak.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You talk about both community life and the local economy, so your ideas are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like for example, furthermore, moreover, and therefore.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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