Most countries spend large amount of money on weapons to defend themselves though they are not at war. Some believe those countries should spend the money to help poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is argued that most
countries
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spend
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
amount of
resourses
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resources
on weapons to defend themselves even if they are not at war. Others
belive
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believe
that those
countries
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should spend the
money
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to help poor
countries
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. I think
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
I
am
Verb problem
apply
show examples
agree with the statement of giving extra
money
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to help poor
peope
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people
.
For example
Linking Words
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
provide to his army
milions
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millions
of dollars every year. The idea of defending
yourselfe
Correct your spelling
yourself
is natural, and I do not have any
promlems
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problems
with that. But,
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
them on not nesessery weapons is
realy
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really
spending
money
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for nothing. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
that we can use
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
for
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
more useful
aproach
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approach
,
such
Linking Words
as helping poor people. In conclusion,
defend
Wrong verb form
defending
show examples
yourself is a good idea, but
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
do not forget about poor
countries
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around the world.

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task response
Write your opinion in a clear way. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this the same in all the essay.
task response
Add one more main idea and explain it more. Now your ideas are short and not fully developed.
task response
Use a more clear example. Tell how the money can help poor countries in real life.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph about one main point. This will help your essay feel more ordered.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'in conclusion' in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Some sentences stop too fast, so the flow is not smooth.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion.
task response
You include an example about the USA army.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main message is easy to follow most of the time.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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