IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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This
Linking Words
 bar graph compares the rate of male smokers
divided by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 seven
countries
Use synonyms
 and
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 average between
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is true that the entire seven
countries
Use synonyms
 indicated
modest
Correct article usage
a modest
show examples
 decline in 2015
than
Correct word choice
compared to
show examples
 2000. America's tabacco consuming of male takes the largest portion among all
countries
Use synonyms
 in both 2000 and 2015,
whereas
Linking Words
Austrailia's
Correct your spelling
Australia's
 rates
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 the lowest propotion at the same period. Look at the graph in more detail, America's smoking men
prototion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 rated the most percentages among 7
countries
Use synonyms
 at around 65%, followed by Bangladesh and Cuba at about 62% and 53% respectively in 2000. The three
countries
Use synonyms
 Egypt, Lebanon,
Mexico
Correct word choice
and Mexico
show examples
 indicated similar figures at
ragne
Correct your spelling
range
 between 32% to 36% in the same year. Austraila was the smallest ratio of men
were
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 smoked at approximately 29% in 2000. In 2015,
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 seven
countries
Use synonyms
 were singnificantly declined except for both Egypt and Lebanon,
wich
Correct your spelling
which
 showed
fairly
Correct article usage
a fairly
show examples
 inclined from roughly 35% to around 49% and 45% respectively.
Bangladech
Correct your spelling
Bangladesh
 was indicated
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 most significant decline by over 20% from approximately 61% to roughly 39%.
Thus
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
According
Fix capitalization
according
show examples
 to 5 of 7
countiries were presented decrease
Correct word order
countries, a decrease was presented
show examples
,
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 average men's smoking figure indicated
modest
Correct article usage
a modest
show examples
 decline from about 42% to roughly 35%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "indicated" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "modest" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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