IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, people in many countries can live and work anywhere they choose, because of improved communication technology and transport. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your on knowledge or experience

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There is no denying the fact that
technology
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 enables people to connect with others in different places ,
such
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 as the internet. It is a commonly held belief that people in many countries can live and work in any country because of improved communication
technology
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 and transport. I believe that the advantages of
this
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development
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 outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, the main advantage of
this
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development
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 is increasing oppourtunities of jobs.
In other words
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,
this
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development
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 helps people to find jobs and improves their standard of living.
For example
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, they will be teaching their children in an appropriate school, which helps their success in the future.
Moreover
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, employers can have jobs in the city and live in the countryside and using train to move. Another advantage of
this
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development
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 is that it makes our lives easier ,
such
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 as for employees to work in the city, and work hours become flexible.
As a result
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, employers become more efficient and have more time to spend with family and themselves.
In addition
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, help to communicate with other countries
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 some companies make deals for projects with other foreign countries through online meetings. In conclusion, there are many advantages of improved communication
technology
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 and transport. Communication
technology
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 and transport play a crucial role in changing and improving our lives.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add at least one clear bad point, then explain why it is less important.
task response
Use more clear examples. Your school example is not fully linked to living and working anywhere.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Some parts are not complete, like 'In addition, help to communicate with other countries'.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Most ideas stay on the topic of technology, transport, work, and living place.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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