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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today, people in many countries can live and work anywhere they choose, because of improved communication technology and transport. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your on knowledge or experience

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There is no denying the fact that modern technology and transport have made our lives easier.
People
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 can communicate with others in different countries through the internet and travel more easily than before. I believe that the advantages of
this
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development
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 outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, one of the main advantages of
this
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development
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 is that it provides job opportunities.
In other words
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,
this
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development
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 helps
people
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 to find better jobs and improve their standard of living. They can
also
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 earn higher salaries and improve their quality of life.
For example
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, when
people
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 earn more money, they can send their children to better schools.
In addition
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, modern transport allows
people
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 to live in the countryside and
work
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 in the city because they can travel by train every day. Another advantage of
this
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development
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 is that
people
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 can communicate with others by using the internet. Nowadays, many employees
work
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 from home because they can attend online meetings every day.
Moreover
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,
this
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development
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 allows
folk
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people
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 to find online jobs in other countries. It
also
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 makes
work
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 more efficient and
work
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 hours more flexible.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 can save time and money because
no
Rephrase
they do not
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 need to travel to the office every day.
This
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also
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 helps them to achieve a better
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work- life
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work-life
 balance.
As a result
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,
people
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 can build a better future for themselves and spend more time with their families. In conclusion, the advantages of
this
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development
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 outweigh the disadvantages. Modern communication technology and transport improve
people
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’s lives by providing more job opportunities and making communication easier.

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task response
Answer the bad side too. Now you say the good side is stronger, but you do not really explain the bad side.
task response
Add one short idea about the disadvantages, like homesickness, long travel, or weak local ties.
task response
Give more support for each main idea. Explain how and why, not only what.
task response
Use one clear example with detail. Your school example is okay, but it is still too general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main point and develop it more fully.
coherence and cohesion
Some linkers are good, but a few ideas repeat. Try not to say the same point in two ways.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. For example, 'because no need to travel' should be written more clearly.
task response
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
task response
You stay on the topic all the way through the essay.
task response
The conclusion matches your main view well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow overall.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic link words like 'To begin with', 'In addition', and 'Moreover'.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphing is clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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