Writing topic: Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some
people
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think that families who send their children to private
schools
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should not pay taxes for
state
Correct article usage
the state
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education
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system. I disagree with
this
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opinion because
education
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is important for everyone
and
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, and
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all
people
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should help pay for it.
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Firstly
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Firstly,
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education
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is useful for all society. Students who study in
schools
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can become doctors, teachers and engineers in future. These
peoples
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people
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help everybody in the country.
For
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this
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reason, all citizens should pay taxes even if their children study in private
schools
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.
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Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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many families cannot afford private
schools
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. They need public
schools
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for their children. If some
people
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do not pay taxes government will have less money for
education
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.
As a result
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,
schools
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may not have enough teachers or good facilities.
This
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can make
education
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more difficult for poor students. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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I disagree with
this
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statement.
Education
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is important for everyone
and
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, and
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all
people
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should contribute to support the
education
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system.

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task response
For task response: Your answer is clear, but you can explain your ideas more. Say not only that education helps all people, but also how tax works for all in a fair way.
task response
For task response: Add one more clear example. For example, you can talk about how even people without children still pay tax because schools help the whole country.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a good basic plan with an opening, two body parts, and an end. To get a higher score, link ideas more smoothly inside each part.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some lines are short and simple. Try to add one more sentence to each main part so the point is more fully shown and better joined.
task response
For task response: You clearly say your view in the first part and keep the same view to the end.
task response
For task response: Your main ideas are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay is easy to follow because each part has one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: You use simple link words like firstly, secondly, for this reason, and as a result.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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