IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments spend an enormous amount of money on renovations of old buildings in large cities. Some believe that this money can be better spent on building new houses and developing roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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Authorities allocate an ample amount of funds
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 historical structures in order to reconstruct them. During these
days
Punctuation problem
days,
show examples
 citizens argue that new housing complexes and
roads
Use synonyms
 can be built using these resources. I strongly agree with the statement because
instead
Linking Words
 of renovating old structures, new housing schemes will resolve the issue of
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 in urban areas,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 modifying
roads
Use synonyms
 will improve public transport and encourage private vehicles. Construction of new housing
appartments
Correct your spelling
apartments
 will help to compensate
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 lack of houses for
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 old
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 carry cultural heritage, they provide no ease or betterment to citizens. Spending resources on
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of housing complexes will allow
people
Use synonyms
 to afford their own homes. Most
people
Use synonyms
 in urban areas live
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rented properties
due to
Linking Words
 no availability of proper houses or
appartments
Correct your spelling
apartments
.
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Correct determiner usage
in the
show examples
USA
Punctuation problem
USA,
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 a law has been passed which states that all historical
buidings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 should be demolished, so new housing complexes can be built
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 natives could afford a personal place to
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
.
Roads
Use synonyms
 should be carpeted
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 old ones should be
developed again
Verb problem
resurfaced
show examples
 in order to allow a smooth traffic flow. Developed
roads
Use synonyms
 allow
people
Use synonyms
 to travel without any
distrubtion
Correct your spelling
disturbance
 and they reach their destinations on time. Morover state of the art
roads
Use synonyms
 allow
people
Use synonyms
 to invest in private vehicles because smooth
roads
Use synonyms
 pose no damage to
vehicle
Check wording
vehicles
show examples
 of any type. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
,
article
Correct article usage
an article
show examples
publishes
Wrong verb form
published
show examples
 that Japan has the most developed infrastructure of
roads
Use synonyms
, which makes their public transport smooth
facilitating
Punctuation problem
, facilitating
show examples
 commuters.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is better to reserve amounts for buiding high end
roads
Use synonyms
 and new housing
appartments
Correct your spelling
apartments
 rather than investing on buidings carrying
historical
Correct article usage
a historical
show examples
 background or considered to be old.

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task response
Task response: Your position is clear because you strongly agree. Keep this clear view from start to end.
task response
Task response: You answer both parts well: new homes and better roads. This helps the essay stay on topic.
task response
Task response: Your ideas need more full support. Explain more how new homes and roads help people and cities.
task response
Task response: Your examples are weak or may not be true. Use simple, real, or general examples that sound natural.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Put your main idea at the start of each body paragraph in one clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some links are not smooth. Use simple words like first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences do not connect well. Make sure each sentence grows from the one before it.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You cover two strong reasons: housing and roads.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow in general because it has clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like moreover, for example, and to conclude.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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