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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Charity
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 companies play a crucial role in lending a helping hand to
people
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.
While
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 many individuals believe that they should focus on their nation, others think there should not be national borders.
Although
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 there are some reasons for prioritizing assistant to
people
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 who live in their own country, I personally agree that charities should extend their support wherever the need is greatest. Granted, one might argue that some
charity
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 organisations are responsible for address citizen’s challenges. Many
people
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 are struggling because of poverty, homelessness, unemployment, and no access to healthcare treatments, despite the fact that they live in well-developed countries.
For example
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, in Turkey, local
charity
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 companies donate and supply treatment expenses to local individuals who are disabled every year.
Furthermore
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, concentrating on local issues and problems helps the government to solve and improve the quality of life efficiently. Namely, when
people
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 observe events that happened in their culture and surroundings, they try to think outside
of
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apply
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the box and come up with creative solutions.
As a result
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, some pressing problems can be tackled. Despite these arguments, I sit with
people
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 who believe that helpful organisations should not be restricted by geographical borders.
People
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 are affected by Wars, disasters, diseases, and
overall
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 event that happen around the world, which have a profound impact on their lifestyle. These all conditions required international assistance.
For instance
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, many wealthy countries and global charities helped Palestine
last
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 year.
Moreover
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, being equipped with temporary shelter, adequate food, healthcare, and medicine in case of an earthquake and flooding is advantageous and useful.
To sum up
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, the best way to
charity
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 is a combination of both national and international approaches.
Instead
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 of limiting the global charities, they should pay attention to individuals who need assistance.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. The second side is shorter than the first side.
task response
Give your opinion in a more direct way in the body, not only in the introduction.
task response
Use clearer examples with more detail, so your ideas feel more real and strong.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easier to follow. Some sentences are not clear or are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main point in each paragraph and then explain it.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You used some examples to support your ideas.
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