IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some societies it is increasingly common to try to achieve good health and fitness through physically demanding sports, special diets, or preventative medicine convential or alternative. Some people, however, believe that the best way to stay fit and healthy is simply to lead a normal life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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There has been a significant rise in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who believe the best method to achieve a good and healthy
body
Use synonyms
 is to exercise more.
Although
Linking Words
 numerous
people
Use synonyms
 argued about that statement and considered it to be fit to just live your normal day. In my opinion i agree with the first view because of the research that appeared . On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who chose to live normally had several reasons. Owing to
,
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 less educated background in societies about physical training, eating clean,
exercising
Correct word choice
and exercising
show examples
 more. To paraphrase,
people
Use synonyms
 back
then
Linking Words
 didn't get enough information about how crucial it is to eat well and move your
body
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a study has shown that during the period 2016-2020, there was a high surge in rates of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals who chose to demand sports and followed a strict diet. Because they changed their mentality throughout the years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
 think that demanding sports is important for many reasons.
Such
Linking Words
 as, your
body
Use synonyms
 becomes less vulnerable to diabetes, high blood pressure, and obesity.
Also
Linking Words
, you will get a toned frame. To elaborate, From my perspective,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 would stand with the fact that in order to achieve a healthy
body
Use synonyms
, doing physical sports , and
this
Linking Words
 should be the world mindset for the majority , not only for athletes.
As a result
Linking Words
, you will get a strong form, and you will be less vulnerable to health issues.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more fully. You talk about sport, but you say little about diet, medicine, and a normal life.
task response
State your opinion in a clear way in the intro and keep the same view in all body parts.
task response
Add one clear example in each body paragraph and explain it well.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: intro, body 1, body 2, conclusion. Make each paragraph have one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Some lines stop too soon or do not connect well to the next sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Finish unfinished ideas, like the line that starts with 'To elaborate,'.
task response
You give your opinion and keep it until the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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