In recent years, many people spend less time with their families because of busy work schedules. What are the main causes of this problem, and what solutions can be suggested?

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In
this
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modern era,
people
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are unable to spend their time with their family
members
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due to
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hectic
work
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schedules.
This
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essay will discuss the main causes for
this
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trend and propose practical solutions to mitigate
this
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problem.
To begin
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with, there are compelling reasons why busy
work
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schedules are the main
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
for
this
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gap between
people
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and their family
members
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.
Firstly
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, individuals are working hard because they
require
Verb problem
need
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to build a successful
lifestyle
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.
Due to
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modernization
Change the spelling
modernisation
show examples
,
people
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have changed their mindset.
Better
Correct article usage
A better
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quality of
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lifestyle
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life
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is now in demand for almost every individual.
Additionally
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,
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
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lifestyle
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is expensive, and
this
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encourages
people
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to
work
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hard, even at the expense of creating a long-distance relationship with their own family
members
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.
Moreover
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, inflation is another significant reason for
this
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trend. At the international level, inflation is increasing at an alarming rate.
Due to
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this
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,
people
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are suffering a lot, and modest requirements of
the
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apply
show examples
life
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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as food and shelter, are becoming difficult for
people
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to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
. To overcome
this
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situation,
people
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have to
work
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hard and earn money for their family
members
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.
Consequently
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, working hours increase, which
further
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increases the gap between workers and their family
members
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.
On the other hand
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, there are numerous solutions to mitigate
this
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problem. First and foremost,
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should enforce some rules and regulations which could eventually benefit the workers in the long term. Weekly working hours should be fixed by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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along with
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fixed hourly pay.
For example
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, in
country
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
like Canada, weekly working hours and minimum payment for one hour
both are
Correct word order
are both
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fixed by
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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to provide basic opportunities to
people
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in the workforce.
Nevertheless
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, workers should
also
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change their mindset towards hard
work
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. Monthly holidays should be encouraged so that individuals can spend their time with their family
members
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.
This
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will not only lower their stress but will
also
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change their perspective towards life.
To conclude
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, a modern
lifestyle
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and
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation are primary causes for the gap between
people
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and their family
member
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members
show examples
.
However
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, the
government
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Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
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with
,
Correct determiner usage
the
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mutual efforts of
individuals
Punctuation problem
individuals,
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can address
this
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problem to create a well-developed and harmonious society.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain causes well, but solutions need more detail.
task response
Use clearer examples. The Canada example is helpful, but it is short and not fully explained.
task response
Some ideas are clear, but a few are too general, like 'change their mindset'. Say how this can happen.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more natural way. Some lines repeat 'work hard' too much.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea and explain it step by step.
task response
You answer both the causes and the solutions.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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