IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

children should always follow their parents' advice. to what extent to do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is thought that
parents
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’
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advices
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advice
show examples
 should be followed by
kids
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 all the time. I partially agree with
this
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 statement.
Although
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 listening
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parents
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to parents
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 is usually
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
, it is not always true. In
this
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 essay, ı will explain
beneficial
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the beneficial
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 and negative sides of it. Following
advices
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 of
parents
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 is necessary in the children’
life
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. Moms and dads are supposed to protect their
kids
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 from potential dangers by sharing suggestions. Those
advices
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 takes
basis
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its basis
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 from their lives. As they have been facing
life
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 longer than
kids
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, they gain more insign, experience, insign and knowledge.
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Hence
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Hence,
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 they care about
life
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 of children
they
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; they
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 usually prefer to share their
insigns
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insignia
. So moms and dads are guides of
children
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children's
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 whole
life
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so
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, so
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 considering their
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advices
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advice
show examples
 is important.
On the other hand
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,
kids
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 should not follow every
advices
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 are given by their
parents
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.
Although
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 some of the tips are useful in
the
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apply
show examples
life
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, not all of them are really needed. Sometimes young people should follow their own paths and experience
the
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apply
show examples
life
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 by themselves. It is necessary for their character
developments
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development
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. Sometimes they must struggle, be
hurted
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hurt
 and suffer to build their own
insigns
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insights
 about
life
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.
For instance
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, a young one who always follow
advices
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 of his mom and dad, he cannot find a solution
of
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to
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 a problem out of their tips when there is no one who can give
suggestion
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a suggestion
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. Because all
this
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 time he has not found a solution
about something
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to anything
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thus
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his
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, his
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problem solving
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problem-solving
 skills
are
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have
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 not
developed
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been developed
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.
Hence
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always
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, always
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 moving only with
parents
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’
advices
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 build a weak character. In conclusion, usually going after
advices
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 of
parents
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 can be
benefical
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beneficial
, even though sometimes drawing your own path and
build
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building
show examples
 your own experiences can be better.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. Say clearly why you partly agree.
task response
Add one more clear example to support each main idea.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more so the reader can fully see your point.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea. Build each point step by step.
task response
You answered both sides of the question and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used an example about problem solving, which helps your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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