IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below gives information about the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions for 2035.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The bar compares the percentages of older
people
Use synonyms
 who live in four different countries in the UK in 1985, with an assumption until 2035.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
all parts of
Correct word order
highest percentage of people
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 highest percentage of live over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
50 years,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 lived in Northern Ireland in 1985. In terms of living, in England, 15% old
people
Use synonyms
 lived
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
 area in 1985. But,
people
Use synonyms
 day by day grow and over the 25% increase in 2035.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 living in Wales
, it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 was 17%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in 2035, it is
increase
Verb problem
expected to increase
show examples
 to 27% rise.
Figure for
Change preposition
In
show examples
 Scotland, 13% old
people
Use synonyms
lived
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in 1985. After 50 years,
old
Check wording
the number of old
show examples
people
Use synonyms
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
show examples
 by almost 12%, and it will be 25%. Regarding the remaining lives, in 1985, old
people
Use synonyms
 live 13% in Northern Ireland, but the birth improve very fast, and it will be 25% in 2035.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in the UK, old
people
Use synonyms
 live only 15%, but it will
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
most likely
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
increase to 25% grow in 2035.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • demographics
  • elderly
  • projections
  • trends
  • working-age population
  • health care system
  • pension schemes
  • labor market
  • economic implications
  • societal measures
  • technological advancements
  • dependancy ratio
  • retirement age
  • social services
  • fiscal strain
  • age brackets
  • youthful population
  • population pyramid
  • longevity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: