IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many people argue that increasing sports facility is the best way to improve public health. While, others believe that it will have very low effect on the public. Other measures should be taken. Discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion

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Internationally, people argue that expanding
sport centers
Correct your spelling
sports centres
 is the ideal path to enhance physical
health
Use synonyms
. Others
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 argue that building sports facilities without additional measures is not effective. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with building gyms without extra steps to help with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, building infrastructures without education on physical
health
Use synonyms
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong trajectory.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a state should educate its society before planning
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 Saudi Arabia
started a campaign
Correct word order
, a campaign was started
show examples
 in 2016 to educate the public on the importance of physical
health
Use synonyms
. And the campaign's notion was to create a social trend which began by signing with influencers to start posting
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example, their daily 10,000 steps completion.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, doctors began to post on social media about the
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of walking 30 minutes a day, which over the years created a healthy society that supports healthy habits and rejects harmful ones.
Moreover
Linking Words
, after educating a society, a government doesn't have to intervene
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the demand
on sport
Change preposition
for sports
show examples
 facilities would create a business opportunity that would make businessmen build the infrastructure. In conclusion, people
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 need more
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 facilities, they need exposure to the benefits of exercising.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You explain the side against sports centers well, but the side for them is very short.
task response
State your opinion in a clear way and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
Add one more main idea for why sports centers can help health, with a clear example.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words between ideas, like First, On the other hand, and As a result.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main point and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check small grammar and word form errors because they can make ideas harder to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
Your example about Saudi Arabia helps support your main idea.
task response
Your opinion is easy to find.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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