Some people believe that children should begin formal education at a very early age, while others think they should not start school until they are at least seven. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is
ongoing
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an ongoing
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debate regarding
,
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apply
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education
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at
early
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the early
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stages of childhood . A group of individuals believe that
,
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apply
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kids
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have to learn early.
However
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, the others argue that
,
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apply
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starting
education
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at
seven
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years
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old is most beneficial. In my opinion, I believe that
age
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at
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apply
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seven
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years
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apply
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is a suitable
age
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for school to learn new things. On one hand, there is a society believe that
kids
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should
have
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apply
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to begin
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education
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at
early
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an early
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age
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. Because it aims
the
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to teach
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kids
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to learn moral values
such
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as tolerance and sharing. They could tolerate
with
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apply
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their faults, and
sharing
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share
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food or games with others. Because school helps them to love these values by
making
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participating in
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activities with their friends.
For example
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, if a kid wants to play with other
kid's
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kids'
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toys and he refuses to share
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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,
this
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is where early
education
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comes in to teach
kids
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that sharing is a nice way to make friends.
Therefore
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,
education
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at
Change preposition
in
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early childhood is important in majority of families since it has many benefits for
children
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.
On the other hand
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, those in favour of the latter opinion have their own arguments.
To begin
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with, they say that
children
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have to start at least
seven
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years
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.
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old.
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While
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school
education
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gives
children
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more knowledge and skills
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such
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, such
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as effective communication, and
developing
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develops
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critical thinking. At
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age
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the age
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of
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seven
Add a comma
seven,
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the brain develops
to
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the ability to
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learn new skills, and they will be emotionally prepared.
For instance
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,if
teacher
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a teacher
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gives them a homework assignment, it will
developes to
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help kids develop
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kids
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how to think, write, and solve
the problem
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problems
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. That's why I personally agree with
this
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statement about learning at
seven
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years
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old. In conclusion, I believe that
children
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have
to begin
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their
education
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at
seven
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years
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.
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old.
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Because it has more benefits for
children
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.
In addition
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, giving them
to
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apply
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broaden their horizons
,
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apply
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and
gaining
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gain
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the skills they need in their lives .

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Write one clear main idea for each side and explain it more.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way in the introduction and keep the same view through the essay.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more direct. Make sure each example clearly supports the point.
coherence and cohesion
Make the order of ideas smoother. Some sentences stop and start in a way that feels sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Words like 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore' should connect ideas more naturally.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and add support after it. This will make the essay easier to follow.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use an example about sharing, which helps support your idea.
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