In many countries these days, the number of people continuing their education after school has increased, and the range of courses available at universities and colleges has also increased. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Today, in some countries, continuing
study
Use synonyms
after the lessons
become
Verb problem
has become
show examples
more popular, and the courses provided by universities and colleges are
also
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growing. In my opinion, its positive development because being
open-mindedness
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open-minded
always will benefit society. Many countries provide financial support to educational
centers
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centres
show examples
because they teach the future of the country.
Firstly
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, smart pupils and
students
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can contribute to the economic growth in the future.
Secondly
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, providing them with
the
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apply
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vocational
trainings
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training
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and
specialization
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specialisation
show examples
opportunities will improve their
level
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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kind of
opportunities
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opportunity
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will make the country stronger
compairing
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compared
with other countries.
For example
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, Kazakhstan yearly provide winners of
olyampiads
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olympiads
with grants to
the
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apply
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the best universities of the world.
However
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,
excess
Correct article usage
an excess
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of
study
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can lead to
the
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apply
show examples
stress and tiredness from the
study
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. There are a lot of examples of geniuses who became psychologically unstable.
In addition
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,
developing
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the developing
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level
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of
the
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apply
show examples
education can cause dropping
level
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of the sudent capital
due to
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complexity
Correct article usage
the complexity
show examples
of the learning.
For example
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, all educational centres can increase the number of courses for the
students
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, but
researchs
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research
show examples
showed that
excess of
Replace the word
excessive
study
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leading
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leads
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to
the
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apply
show examples
mental problems among the
students
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. In conclusion, more courses
that
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apply
show examples
provided by universities and colleges
leading
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can lead
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress and anxiety
in the group of
Change preposition
among
show examples
students
Use synonyms
, but improving the
level
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of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education and knowledge can influence and benefit
to
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apply
show examples
the economic growth.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first paragraph. Say directly that this is a positive development and why.
task response
Add more clear support for each main idea. One main point should have one clear reason and one example.
task response
Be careful with the opposite view. You wrote about stress, but your final answer is still positive. Explain why the good side is stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer paragraph control. Begin each body paragraph with one main idea, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, such as first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences shorter. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
task response
You answered the question and gave your opinion.
task response
You included both good and bad sides of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used linking words like firstly, secondly, moreover, however, and in conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Vocational training
  • Specialization
  • Interdisciplinary programs
  • Human capital
  • Economic growth
  • Job prospects
  • Practical experience
  • Student enrollment
  • Educational institutions
  • Alternative education paths
  • Skill development
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