IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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In some countries, today humans have
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 lifespan than they used to.
While
Linking Words
 an ageing population undoubtedly creates several challenges for governments, I believe the benefits are equally significant and can
outweight
Use the right word
outweigh
show examples
 the drawbacks if managed effectively. On the one hand,
elder
Correct word choice
older
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 may affect beneficially to society.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of them had significant experience in
profession
Correct determiner usage
their profession
show examples
 in the past and can give their
knowledges
Check wording
knowledge
show examples
 to the youth.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, grandparents can replace parents and look after toddlers during the
work day
Correct your spelling
workday
. Older
people
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 teach
traditions
Correct article usage
the traditions
show examples
 and history of the country,
rising
Verb problem
raising
show examples
 the sense of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
patriotism in children.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the government should provide
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more financial support
health
Change preposition
to the health
show examples
 care sectors and pensions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, more
faunds
Correct your spelling
funds
 means more tax on the working population that will slow economical and educational sectors.
In addition
Linking Words
, they
consists
Correct subject-verb agreement
consist
show examples
 of
vulnerable
Correct article usage
a vulnerable
show examples
 part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, so they cannot make an impact in proportions of workforces.
For example
Linking Words
, more than half of Japan citiziens are old
people
Use synonyms
, it limits their
economical
Replace the word
economic
 growth and
cross outs
Correct your spelling
hinders
 their innovations. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 population ageing presents economic challenges, these issues can be addressed through policies
such
Linking Words
 as raising the retirement age, encouraging lifelong learning, and improving healthcare.
As a result
Linking Words
, societies can continue to benefit from the knowledge, experience and support
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 older
people
Use synonyms
 provide. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 old
people
Use synonyms
 demand support from the government, they
also
Linking Words
 impact
beneficially to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Check wording
society's
show examples
 sectors. I believe their influence will
outweight
Use the right word
outweigh
show examples
 the drawbacks.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your ideas about both good and bad sides.
task response
Explain your points a bit more, so the reader can see how each idea answers the question.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result' in a more natural way.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph stays on one main idea and does not jump too fast to a new point.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view.
task response
You include an example about Japan, which helps support your point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You use basic linking words to connect ideas.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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