IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With an increasing number of people eating fast food, which if eating too regularly can cause health issues, some people think that the only solution is to ban it completely. To what extent do you agree?

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Many
people
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 argue that there are a lot of health
issues
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due to
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 the significant number of
people
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 who often eat junk
food
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, creating a
solution
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such
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 as banning it definitively. I strongly disagree with
this
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 strategy or alternative.
This
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 is because
people
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 should have the opportunity to choose what kind of
food
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 to eat as part of their autonomy, and to identify the benefits and
consecuences
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consequences
.
To begin
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 with, maintaining a healthy lifestyle and being aware of healthy conditions are one's own responsibility. Creating a mandatory regulation to avoid health
issues
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 is not going to reduce the problem.
This
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 is because creating healthy habits is part of
people
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's education about the significant impact on their bodies.
Also
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, these
issues
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 are not only related to fast
food
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 but
also
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 to habits, routines, and cooking styles. So, banning fast
food
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 is not the
solution
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, because it is no
solution
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 created around
food
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 education and
consecuences
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consequences
.
In addition
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, some of these
issues
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 can be related to the low prices of the street, junk or fast
food
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. These types of gastronomy can be found cheaply.
For instance
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, if you go to McDonald's, you can find a combo burger with chips and a drink for only 10 dollars, but if you decide to cook your own
food
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 at home, you will probably spend more money. Normally, the healthy decisions are led by the prices and not by the
consecuences
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consequences
. In conclusion, prohibiting fast
food
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 is not a smart decision, because
this
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 is not the only way to get healthy problems. The
solution
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 can be around educating
people
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 and increasing the prices of these restaurants.
This
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 will create an impact on
families
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families'
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 packing, motivating them to cook at home and save money,
imapcting
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impacting
 their
life style
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lifestyle
.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Keep linking your ideas back to the ban on fast food.
task response
Add one more clear reason or explain your reasons more fully. Some ideas are good, but they need deeper support.
task response
Use examples that clearly prove your point. The McDonald's example is useful, but explain more clearly how price changes food choice.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea only. This will help your writing feel more clear and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, and therefore. Some parts now feel repeated or unclear.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection inside paragraphs. A few lines are hard to follow because the meaning changes too fast.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use one real-world example to support your point.
coherence and cohesion
The main message is usually easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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