IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts below describe the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

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The given pie charts display data regarding the online shopping
sales
Use synonyms
 for various retail sectors in New Zealand over the period of ten years. The units in the charts are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, what can be clear from the diagrams is that the amount of
sales
Use synonyms
 for films and books saw
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 increase, whilst the rates of travel and clothes
sales
Use synonyms
 declined by the end of the period. Another notable point is
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 sale of films and music surpasses the rate of
sales
Use synonyms
 in
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
show examples
sectord
Correct your spelling
sector
 In
details
Check wording
detail
show examples
, in 2003 the highest rate of
sales
Use synonyms
 was witnessed in
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
show examples
 sector
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 was followed by the
sales
Use synonyms
 of clothes, 36% and 24% respectively.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 both figures observed
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 decrease by 7% and 8% by the end of the timeframe. Meanwhile, the amount of
sales
Use synonyms
 in
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 sector increased by almost 10%, from 21% to 33% and in
2013
Punctuation problem
2013,
show examples
 the highest section of the chart
belong
Correct subject-verb agreement
belongs
show examples
 to it.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 there was a negligible change witnessed in the
sales
Use synonyms
 of books by nearly 3%.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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