IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development?

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On
this
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 day,
it is clear that
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 individuals can easily do their shopping, work, and communicate with each other through the internet without any face-to-face interactions. Personally, I partly agree with
this
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 trend
due to
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 some reasons that are described in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, the internet can provide a more convenient life for the population. With the development of technology, working from home, staying in touch with their friends
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and family, or online ordering are becoming easier and more common. There are a lot of apps to call online and make video calls with others, which saves their valuable time and costs.
Additionally
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, the majority of society works and studies at home, and
this
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 can be helpful in reducing traffic populations.
On the other hand
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, the lack of personal contact can result in missing out on an emotional connection.
While
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 internet facilities offer more convenience for the community, they would not replace the beneficial aspects of face-to-face interactions. If individuals rely too much on social media, they will lose their ability to empathise with others' feelings through body language.
For instance
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, when a crowd
message
Correct subject-verb agreement
messages
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 online, it can influence their friendship or relationship.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 is a misunderstanding, and it is
also
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 possible that it is wrong. In conclusion, it is necessary to balance using technology to connect and maintain personal contact.
This
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 approach can lead to a healthy lifestyle and a fulfilling relationship between people.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but the essay question asks if this is positive or negative. Pick one side more clearly, or say both sides and then give a clear final view.
task response
Add one more clear example to support each main idea. Your ideas are good, but they need more proof and detail.
task response
Explain your example more. The line about crowd message online is not clear, so the reader may not understand your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, 2 body parts, and conclusion. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words with more care. Some are good, like on the one hand, on the other hand, additionally, and furthermore, but a few ideas do not flow well after them.
coherence and cohesion
Check pronouns like their, this, and it. Sometimes the reader cannot see what word they point to.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both good and bad sides of online life.
task response
You give relevant ideas about ease, time saving, less traffic, and loss of human feeling.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs and a short ending.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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