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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are reading news online, but newspapers are still the main source of news for most people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s rapidly evolving
world
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, some argue that numerous
people
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 are reading
news
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 on online platforms,
while
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 newspapers are still
the
Correct article usage
a
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 significant
source
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 of
news
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 for most
people
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.
Although
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 online platforms give
people
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 access to a wide range of
news
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 from all around the
world
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, I agree with
this
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 idea, and I believe that printed
news
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 is more reliable
which
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, which
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 leads to growing
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 popularity. On the one hand, online
news
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 enables
people
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 to become aware of various subjects worldwide, including healthcare, technology and new styles.
This
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 can contribute significantly to deepening their knowledge
while
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 developing their essential skills,
such
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 as communication, critical thinking and creativity, thereby fostering personal and professional
developments
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development
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.
For instance
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,
news
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 related to healthcare can significantly help physicians stay updated about new treatment methods and advancements worldwide, which can have a positive impact on their professional growth and provide unique opportunities for them to improve their understanding of new diseases that modern healthcare
challenge
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challenges
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 with them.
Hence
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, online
news
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 plays an indispensable role in sharing ideas and perspectives all around the
world
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which
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, which
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 can drive beneficial outcomes for
people
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 and society.
On the other hand
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, newspapers have continued to be an important
source
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 of
news
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 mainly because they are more reliable. Through online platforms, it is possible that fake
news
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widespread
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can spread
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 instantly
which
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, which
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 can bring about serious problems
such
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 as social instability and lead to misunderstanding.
In addition
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, online
news
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require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
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 infrastructure like internet connection and screens, which leaves readers with limited opportunities to read online
news
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, particularly in places with insufficient facilities.
For example
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, in developing countries
such
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 as Iran, newspapers are
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 popular
source
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 of
news
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 since
people
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 can access them in various locations and the internet connection is poor, particularly in rural areas
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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converted
Wrong verb form
makes
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 it
to
Change preposition
apply
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a reliable and valuable
source
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 of
news
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.
Thus
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, conventional printed
news
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 still maintains
their
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its
show examples
 significance in
people
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’s daily lives.
To sum up
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, from my perspective,
although
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 online
news
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 can lay the foundation for
people
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 to improve their cognitive abilities
while
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 developing a better understanding of the
world
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, printed
news
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 accounts for the leading
source
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 of
news
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 because
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are more reliable and accessible, even in remote locations.

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task response
Make your main answer more exact. Say more clearly how much you agree in the first paragraph and keep this same line all through the essay.
task response
Use ideas that are closer to the question. Some parts talk about skills and growth, but the topic is about where most people get news.
task response
Explain your examples more simply and directly. Show how each example proves that newspapers are still the main source for most people.
coherence and cohesion
Link some sentences more smoothly. A few parts are long and hard to follow, so use shorter sentences and clear link words.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point only. This will make your line of thought easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check pronouns and reference words like this, they, and it, because sometimes the reader may not know what they point to.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You include an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay uses clear paragraphing and basic linking words like on the one hand, on the other hand, and to sum up.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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