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Writing Samples
Band 5

At the present time ,the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults ,compared with no of older peoples .do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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Nowadays, young
people
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 are a large portion of the
population
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and
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, and
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 their
number
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 is superior to the
number
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 of senior citizens.
While
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 it has some drawbacks, the benefits,
such
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 as having a huge potential workforce that reduces dependence on immigrants, which increases the
costs
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, can be far greater than an increase in the unemployment rate, which is
one
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 of the downsides of having a young generation. On the
one
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 hand,
one
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 of the advantages of having a large portion of young
people
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 in the
population
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 is that they can make up a versatile and ready workforce for
the
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apply
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companies.
This
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 is because young
people
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 are at the beginning of their lives, and they look for a
job
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 with great enthusiasm, enabling them to start a family and achieve their career goals.
Thus
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, employers can hire them easily because of their enthusiasm, allowing them to reduce their
labor
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labour
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costs
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, which is a great contributor to the citizens' budget.
For instance
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, Germany needed an enormous
number
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 of workers who were eligible to work in the 70s, but Germans didn't have a sufficient
number
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 of young
people
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 at the time, forcing them to hire workers from Turkey, which increased the
labor
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labour
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costs
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.
Therefore
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, companies had to pay extra money to bring these workers to Germany, and they reflected these
costs
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 in their products.
On the other hand
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,
one
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 of the drawbacks of an enormous
number
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 of young
people
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 in the
population
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 is that
job
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 opportunities cannot cover the needs because of an excessive
number
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 of unemployed
people
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.
This
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 is because each year
many
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, many
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 students graduate from their universities, and they immediately seek a
job
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, which creates a great burden for the economy that cannot create vacant positions for inexperienced
people
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.
Consequently
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, it has given rise to the unemployment rate because of the accumulated
number
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 of young
people
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 who are actively looking for a
job
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. To illustrate, in 1929, the USA's economy could not provide sufficient
job
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 positions, which was sparked by a huge
number
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 of young
job
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 seekers, and triggered an irreversible economic failure at the time.
Thus
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, the young
people
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 can be an impediment to the economy, which can create a difficult time for a nation. In conclusion,
although
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 a huge adolescent
population
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 has some downsides, I firmly maintain that they can create a positive value for the country that seeks a potential workforce, enabling
them
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it
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 to reduce
their
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its
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costs
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, which plays a critical role in improving economic conditions for
their
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its
show examples
 citizens.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Show more clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and are explained in a simple clear way. Some examples now are not fully convincing.
task response
Develop each main idea a bit more. Add one more clear step between the idea and the result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your main idea of each paragraph very clear from the first sentence. This helps the reader follow your thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Split them into two shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Sometimes there are too many cause and result links in one sentence.
task response
You answer both sides and you give a clear opinion that the advantages are greater.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow.
task response
You use examples to support your points, which helps your response.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • young adults
  • older population
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • workforce
  • market demand
  • social change
  • progressive policies
  • educational opportunities
  • unemployment
  • social unrest
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • demographic dividend
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