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Writing Samples
Band 3

At the present time ,the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults ,compared with no of older peoples .do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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The world has changed greatly in most countries recently,
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this includes
Wrong verb form
including
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 the population. In several places, the
pouplation
Correct your spelling
population
 of young individuals is greater than
older
Correct pronoun usage
that of older
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 people.
This
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 essay will demonstrate the advantages and the
backdraws
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
 of
this
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phenomen
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phenomenon
. First of all, the positive side of having a large number of young adults means that there is a strong
economy
Use synonyms
.
This
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 fact can be
due to
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 the strength of the working power provided by those individuals and the less dependence on
imigrants
Correct your spelling
immigrants
 in many sectors. The Indian
economy
Use synonyms
 can be considered as an example, it depends mainly on the young adults
cmpared
Correct your spelling
compared
 with the
european
Capitalize the proper name
European
show examples
Use synonyms
economy
Punctuation problem
economy,
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 wich is depending on
foriegn
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foreign
 workers. The
opportunty
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opportunity
 for
such
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 self dependent
economy
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 to grow in the future is greater than any other one. The disadvantages of
such
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population
Correct article usage
a population
show examples
 will definitely be the lack of experienced people in many fields.
For instance
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, the health sector in many of those
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 is suffering from the lack of senior doctors and specialists. Junior doctors really need experts in certain accurate medical fields to gain knowledge and experience to avoid mistakes. In conclusion , the advantages of having
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 population
overweight
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outweigh
 the
backdraws
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drawbacks
.
However
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, the lack of
experinced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 people can be an issue in
such
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 communities.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Develop your main ideas more. Each body paragraph needs one main idea and more support.
task response
Give clearer examples. Your India and health examples are useful, but they need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking between ideas. Some sentences jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph ideas more balanced. The good side has more support than the bad side.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and wording so your meaning is easier to follow.
task response
You answered the main topic and discussed both good and bad sides.
task response
You gave a clear opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words like First of all, For instance, and In conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • young adults
  • older population
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • workforce
  • market demand
  • social change
  • progressive policies
  • educational opportunities
  • unemployment
  • social unrest
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • demographic dividend
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