IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the best option is to accept a difficult situation, such as having a job they do not enjoy or not having enough money. Others believe it is better to try to make such situations better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, it is being debated whether someone should accept their unfortunate circumstances or
have to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fight
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
back to improve the quality of
life
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 some challenging situations may
seems
Wrong verb form
seem
show examples
 impossible to solve, making our
life
Use synonyms
 better will
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 someone in most cases,
such
Linking Words
 us create safety net in
long-term
Correct determiner usage
the long term
show examples
 and
alleviate
Wrong verb form
alleviating
show examples
 poverty. On the one hand, people who believe
to accept
Change preposition
in accepting
show examples
 their struggling situations may consider
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not expecting too
high
Rephrase
much
show examples
 but more appreciate what they have.
Linking Words
This point
Fix the agreement mistake
These points
show examples
 of
views
Check wording
view
show examples
 might come from a number of
loss
Fix the agreement mistake
losses
show examples
 they encounter through the journey.
Thus
Linking Words
, the remaining resources tend to
allocate
Wrong verb form
be allocated
show examples
 for protecting family and themself both in
short-term
Correct article usage
the short-term
show examples
 or mid-term.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, it may result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 worse conditions.
For example
Linking Words
, many
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 in Jakarta, Indonesia must commute 3-4 hours a day to go to work, causing fatigue and unstable emotions. They stick
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to that employment to fulfil basic expenses.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a number of individuals have faith in their dreams,
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
motivates them to always work hard and improve
knowledge
Correct determiner usage
their knowledge
show examples
 with better education. Levelling up education and position in jobs are more likely
lead
Verb problem
to lead
show examples
 to better opportunities,
such
Linking Words
 as wide exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 career prospects and progressive income.
Hence
Linking Words
, they can enhance the quality of
life
Use synonyms
 for all family members, even in
long-term
Correct determiner usage
the long term
show examples
 as their
retire
Replace the word
retirement
 times come.
This
Linking Words
 potentially
eradicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
eradicates
show examples
 poverty and uneducated young generations within
family
Check wording
families
show examples
. To recapitulate,
although
Linking Words
survive
Wrong verb form
surviving
show examples
 in
their
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 struggle circumstance may be safe to not make it worse,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
improving the quality of
life
Use synonyms
 is a key to
alleviate
Wrong verb form
alleviating
show examples
 all the struggles within
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 that may
encounter
Wrong verb form
be encountered
show examples
 in
long-term
Correct determiner usage
the long term
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully, then make your own view very clear.
task response
Add one more clear reason or example for each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words like 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'As a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check word form and sentence form, because some parts are hard to follow.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use one real example about workers in Jakarta.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accept
  • difficult
  • situation
  • job
  • money
  • option
  • view
  • discuss
  • own
  • opinion
  • better
  • improve
  • change
  • plan
  • goal
  • effort
  • risk
  • skill
  • learn
  • life
  • work
  • future
  • save
  • decide
  • problem
  • help
  • step
  • stay
  • move
  • balance
  • decision
  • support
  • hope
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