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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet has transformed how we interact and live in many great ways, but has also created problems that didn’t exist before. What are the more serious problems caused by the internet and what solutions could you suggest?

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Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 has become an important rule in our lives
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, it
created different
Correct word order
has created different issues that have significantly
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issues
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 which has signficantly made our
live
Check wording
lives
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 harder.
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 has become an
essinal
Correct your spelling
essential
 tool in many different
areass
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areas
 in our live .morever,
sompeople
Correct your spelling
some people
 even believe it is impossible to live without it.
Therefore
Linking Words
, today many
issues
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 caused by the
internet
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 need some serious solutions like mental
Use synonyms
heath
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health
 and poor
councation
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communication
. Mental
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heath
Correct your spelling
health
 is an important topic that has been a
serous
Correct your spelling
concern
 for many
people
Use synonyms
 in today's lives. Unfortunly,
internet
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 has negatively many childeren with different mental health
such
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 as ASD.
moreover
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, many
children
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 have been digunsed with ASD at early age because of the social media ,somehow
children
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 spend many hours online .personal example ,my niece she is 7 and she got an iPad in her birthday ,and she spent many hours online if you ever try to take the iPad , she will immediately cry , I think the best way solve
this
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 issue is find alternative option for
children
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for example
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instead
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 of giving iPad or laptop to
children
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, there are others options
such
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 gameboy or PlayStation.
internet
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 has significantly changed the lifestyle even with all positive side effects ,
however
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 mental
heath
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 is one of the most important negative side that we need to pay attention to .
Commucntion
Correct your spelling
Communication
 used to be a strong and important
skill
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 that
people
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 used to interact
.
Punctuation problem
. However,
show examples
however
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 nowadays
people
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 try to
avoide comunction
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avoid communication
,even though
its
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it's
 the oldest way to contact between human being , many
people
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 around the word lost the
coumncation
Correct your spelling
communication
skill
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due to
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 the
internet
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 effect.
For example
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, if you go to the metro station , back
days
Check wording
apply
show examples
in the 90s
people
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 used to talk to each other, but today
people
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 ignore each other ,only focus on their
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
phone
their
Punctuation problem
, their
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 way to
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 their social media.
Linking Words
however
Capitalize the word
However
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, there is a solution to solve
this
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 issue,
is
Correct pronoun usage
which is
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 to
increase
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
awareness
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 and
school
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awareness
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.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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awareness
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 can
led
Wrong verb form
lead
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people
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 to know how the
coumnction
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connection
 is
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
 tool in our world .
In addition
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 to public communication , there is a
schools
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school's
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awareness
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 , where
school
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 do important
to
Check wording
role
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 not only to a ware the student but
to
Correct word choice
also to
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 act as
child
Correct article usage
a child
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 set most his/her day
in ,
Punctuation problem
. Schools
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school
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 need to prevent
tablet
Check wording
tablets
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/phones
of
Change preposition
from
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 entering the
school
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 , and
increase
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 the grouping team in different
activates
Replace the word
activities
 that will
increase
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 the coumcntion
skill
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 for many
childre
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children
.
Furthermore
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,
coumncation
Correct your spelling
communication
 is an important
skill
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 to connect
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human being in the history. In the end, eventhough, its impossible to live in modern
live
Replace the word
life
 without
internet
Use synonyms
 for
somepeople
Correct your spelling
some people
,it is
essinal
Correct your spelling
essential
 to take some precautions.
In addition
Linking Words
, mental
Use synonyms
heath
Correct your spelling
health
 and communication
issues
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 are serious
isssues
Correct your spelling
issues
 that
people
Use synonyms
 need to focus on to prevent
those
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
issues
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 rapidly
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 in the future

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say which problem is most serious, then give one clear fix for each problem.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant, but some parts are hard to follow. Use shorter sentences and explain each idea in a simple way.
task response
Your example about your niece helps, but it needs a clearer link to the main problem and solution.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and end, which is good. But the order inside some paragraphs is not always clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words like first, second, for example, because, and as a result. Do not use too many at once.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Some sentences repeat the same point, so the paragraph loses focus.
task response
You answered the topic and talked about problems and solutions.
task response
You gave a personal example, which makes your writing more real.
coherence and cohesion
You used clear paragraphing with a beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion matches the main topic of the essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cyberbullying
  • anonymity
  • data breaches
  • privacy
  • internet addiction
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • automation
  • artificial intelligence
  • job displacement
  • security threats
  • scams
  • phishing
  • identity theft
  • social isolation
  • extremism
  • radicalization
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