Schools are no longer neceand ssary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home. What extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that, whether schools exist or not , the public can get that information from the internet , which they consider an effective learning method.
However
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, some individuals thought schools still play a crucial role in modern life.In
this
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essay, I will explain why I strongly disagree with
this
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point of view. On the one hand, it is widely debated that the vast majority of the population can acquire information from the internet.
While
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,
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apply
show examples
this
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can result in catastrophic issues , namely, getting distracted, following untrustworthy sites , and some kind of diseases which releted with our eyes.
In other words
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, gaining
knowledge
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from the internet can cause to chronic diseases, as an example of
this
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is nearsightedness or eye strain.
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, personally i have joined an online course which I think is not something that i do not recommend to anyone since I suffered from nearsightedness caused by sitting in front of the screen. Another viewpoint worth considering is that schools not only serve students as a way of getting
knowledge
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, but they can
also
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be key to improving social
skills
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, teamwork abilities , and communication
skills
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.Even though online education can provide learners with information or
knowledge
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this
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can not improve social
skills
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.
Furthermore
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, some fields related to these
skills
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and abilities require rather than rely on qualifications.Take ,
for example
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, personally, I have studied in a language course for about 3 years , and I passed my academic exam, but after graduating from the university, I realised that only education is not enough.
Last
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but not least, to achieve a good position in work and
getting
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get
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a high-paid jobs people need
skills
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apart from diplomas.
To conclude
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,
although
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,
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apply
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students can gain
knowledge
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online in a modern way, they need other
skills
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like communication.
In addition
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to
this
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, a person's well-being
also
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plays a pivotal role
while
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learning that screens affect their eyes , and
this
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could lead to chronic diseases.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly in all parts. You say you strongly disagree, but some ideas are not fully linked to that view.
task response
Make each main idea simple and clear. Some sentences are hard to follow because they are too long or not fully correct.
task response
Use examples that directly support your point. Your personal examples help, but explain them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some links are used, but a few are not correct or feel forced.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar so your ideas connect better from one line to the next.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You stay on the topic and discuss both the internet and schools.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like On the one hand, Furthermore, and To conclude.
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