IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Children spend more time using electronic devices than playing outdoors. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years, kids spend more
time
Use synonyms
 using digital
devices
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
doing
Change preposition
of doing
show examples
 activities
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and drawbacks of using digital
devices
Use synonyms
. One major advantage of using digital
devices
Use synonyms
 is
lmprove
Correct your spelling
to improve
 computer
skills
Use synonyms
. When using computer
programs
Punctuation problem
programs,
show examples
 explain how
it is working
Fix the agreement mistake
they work
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, there is
study
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 new
genetation
Correct your spelling
generation
 known more than other older generations. Another advantage is learn by online courses. It's learning easier than traditional courses
Linking Words
Moreover
Punctuation problem
. Moreover
show examples
, online courses are available all
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
. To illustrate, AI are available
all
Change preposition
at all
show examples
 times
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
 help anyone . On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, using digital
devices
Use synonyms
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to less communication with
people
Use synonyms
 and poor social
skills
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 using technology
it
Verb problem
find it
show examples
is faced
Verb problem
apply
show examples
difficult to contact
people
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 because alote of
time
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 spend
Use synonyms
time
Correct determiner usage
a lot of time
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 technology.
For example
Linking Words
, in
2025
Punctuation problem
2025,
show examples
there is
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 study in Saudi Arabia
the
Verb problem
found that the
show examples
 new generation
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 no
skills
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 to communicate with
people
Use synonyms
.
Second
Correct article usage
The second
show examples
 disadvantage of using technology impacts to mental
health
Use synonyms
.
Device
Correct article usage
The device
show examples
 is harmful to brain
health
Use synonyms
 because there is electricity and light to
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 the eyes. To illustrate, there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of cases in hospitals
causing
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 children
using
Verb problem
are using
show examples
devices
Use synonyms
 leading to
unnormal
Correct word choice
abnormal
show examples
 mental
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 are benefits and drawbacks of using
devices
Use synonyms
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
, the learning by online and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 computer
skills
Use synonyms
 are advantages outought drawbacks
are
Change preposition
such as
show examples
 poor social
skills
Use synonyms
 and impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's health
show examples

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say if the good side is stronger or the bad side is stronger, and keep this idea clear in all parts.
task response
Add more clear support for each main idea. Explain how device use helps learning and how it hurts outdoor play and health.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more real. Some examples now are hard to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar so your ideas connect in a smooth way.
task response
You answered both sides: good points and bad points.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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