IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

New technologies provided machines which replaced workers to do certain physical jobs and tasks. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In today's fast-paced world, modern technology makes it possible to substitute
machines
Use synonyms
 for jobs that require physical force.
While
Linking Words
 it has some downsides, the upsides,
such
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 as consistency that allows
companies
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 to improve their job quality, and a reduction in
labor
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labour
show examples
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costs
Punctuation problem
costs,
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 can be far greater than an increase in the unemployment rate, which is
one
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 of the disadvantages of it. On the
one
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 hand,
one
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 of the benefits of deploying the
machines
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 into the work environment is that
companies
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 that use these
machines
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 can significantly enhance their
products
Check wording
product
show examples
 quality with
help
Correct article usage
the help
show examples
 of consistency.
This
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 is because their jobs require
the
Correct article usage
a
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 high degree of accuracy and force,
such
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 as lifting huge
weigths
Correct your spelling
weights
, and computing complex calculations in seconds, which
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 workforce is not able to accomplish.
In addition
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, the replacement lowers their
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
costs
Use synonyms
, enabling them to invest more capital in the expansion of their business.
Consequently
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, they not only take advantage of lower
costs
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 but
also
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 streamline and
optimize
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optimise
show examples
 their
operations
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.
For instance
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, tech
companies
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,
such
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 as Apple and Meta, announced that they fired their entry-level programmers because AI can highly accurately boost these
companies
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' productivity, which
also
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 played a crucial role in reducing their
costs
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 with a smaller workforce.
Thus
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, the replacement process has a positive impact on
companies
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'
operations
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 and their
finance
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finances
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.
On the other hand
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,
one
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 of the downsides of employing
machines
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instead
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 of people is that employees face a detrimental situation, which is the possibility of being fired.
This
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 is because
companies
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 are seeking opportunities to
optimize
Change the spelling
optimise
show examples
 their
operations
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, which includes reducing the burden of worker salaries and delivering their products to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
customers with high quality.
Moreover
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,
machines
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 can achieve their goals without being paid, and they can finish reports or calculations, which employees spend an enormous amount of time
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
finishing.
As a result
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, employers commence to change their workforce patterns, in which
machines
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 make up a large portion
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 increases the unemployment rate. In conclusion,
although
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 the deployment of
machines
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 in the work environment has some downsides, I firmly maintain that the advantages of the replacement can provide many significant benefits to
companies
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'
operations
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, which outweigh the drawbacks.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first paragraph. Say very clearly that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add one more clear example for the bad side. This will make your ideas more balanced and more fully developed.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Explain them in a simpler and more exact way.
coherence and cohesion
Use shorter sentences in some places. A few long sentences are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. Sometimes the jump from one point to the next is a bit fast.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and that every sentence clearly supports it.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion all through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The example about tech companies helps support your main point.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow in general because the order of ideas is clear.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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