IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

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One concerning trend among young
people
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 is the declining participation in outdoor recreational
activities
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 during holidays and weekends.
This
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 essay will discuss the two main reasons for
this
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 trend and offer possible ways to encourage more young
people
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 to spend
time
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 in nature. Increased screen
time
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 can be one of the reasons why outdoor
activities
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 have fallen out of
favor
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favour
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 with young
people
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. Social media platforms — Instagram, TikTok, YouTube — captivate young
people
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's attention for hours each day and make them addicted to digital entertainment.
This
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, in turn, can lead youngsters to label outdoor recreational
activities
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 as less exciting because the stimulation they get from screens is much higher than that of nature.
As a result
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, indoor entertainment may prevent them from exploring nature-associated
activities
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such
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 as hiking and climbing.
In addition
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 to increased screen
time
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, young
people
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 often lead busy lifestyles. They often spend their days studying for examinations, attending school or university, or working part-
time
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. By the
time
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 holidays or weekends arrive, the academic pressure, mental and physical strain resulting from these
commitments
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commitments,
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 can leave them with little energy or no desire to pursue other physically demanding outdoor
activities
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.
However
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, there are several ways by which governments can promote participation in outdoor
activities
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. One effective measure would be to
organize
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organise
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 structured and appealing camping trips and hiking clubs. To make it more attractive, they can invite famous sportspeople and influencers who promote active and healthy lifestyles.
This
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 strategy could lead to more socially engaging experiences and allow young
people
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 not only to spend
time
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 outdoors but
also
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 to have meaningful weekends and holidays. Another effective approach is to renovate local parks, gardens, and hiking trails. By incorporating more benches and picnic tables in these areas, governments could provide young
people
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 with places to rest whenever they feel exhausted.
This
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 would help reduce the physical strain caused by long walks and hikes, making outdoor
activities
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 more comfortable and accessible for them. In conclusion, the main factors that prevent young
people
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 from engaging in outdoor
activities
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 are increased screen
time
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 and busy lifestyles, leaving them with little energy by the end of the week. By
organizing
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organising
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 socially engaging trips with influencers and athletes and renovating local parks and hiking trails to incorporate more rest stops, young
people
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 can be encouraged to participate in them.

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task response
For task response, your answer covers both questions well, but some ideas could be more fully explained.
task response
For task response, add one more clear real life example to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and each paragraph has a clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some linking words are used very often. Try to vary them a little.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, a few sentences are long. Shorter sentences can make your meaning even clearer.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and stay on topic all the time.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and complete.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea and good support.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital entertainment
  • urbanization
  • peer influence
  • natural environments
  • engage in outdoor activities
  • lack of awareness
  • safety concerns
  • convenient
  • remote areas
  • benefits
  • unfamiliar areas
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