The chart below shows the places visited by different places living in Australia

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The bar chart compares the
percentage
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of visitors
in
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from
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different
nation
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nations
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living in Australia visiting
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of cinema visitors accounted for the highest proportion with the most significant amount of visitor boring in
uastralia
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Australia
.
In contrast
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, the
percentage
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of theatre
visitor
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visitors
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was recorded to the lowest
one
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apply
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. It is
noticable
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noticeable
that people in
researched
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the researched
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coutry
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country
tended to visit
cinema
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the cinema
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, especially, the
percentage
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visitors
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of visitors
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born in
australia
Capitalize the proper name
Australia
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was 70%
and
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, and
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the new
migrants
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born in English-speaking countries
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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nearly 65%.
In addition
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, new
migrants
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born in other countries
likely
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are likely
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to visited library, the
percentage
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was recorded around 55%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the number of
migrants
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born in other countries visited
theatre
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the theatre
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contained
Verb problem
was
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just
by the
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apply
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half of
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migrants
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the migrants
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born in English-speaking
coutries
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countries
, being 10% and 20%, respectively. Notably, the
visitor
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visitors
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of all types attended
zoo
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the zoo
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with 40%, 50% and 35% in
record
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the record
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, migrants with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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