In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regard of age, teenagers who commit major crime should receive adult punishment. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that felonies that are
commited
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committed
by underages is increasing.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that
teenagers
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take loose penalties, some people see that it is not right, and they should get adult punishment. There is
also
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an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that
teenagers
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must get a more crucial
rule
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role
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, resulting in a much safer society and country.
To begin
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with, crimes
made
Verb problem
committed
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by
teenagers
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are
in
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apply
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increasing numbers.
In other words
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, we are facing true danger by not
do
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doing
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anything in that regard.
In addition
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,
teenagers
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nowadays
has
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have
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the ability to do anything, they can drive cars, which might lead to
multible
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multiple
car accidents .
For example
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, there is a man racing with his friends in
public
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a public
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street
,
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.
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However
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, he hit a mother and her son and killed them
,
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.
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For how
carless
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careless
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he is
to
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of
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the lives of a
family
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family,
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he
deserve
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deserves
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a strict punishment. Another point to consider, some crimes
commited
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committed
by
teenagers
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considered
Verb problem
are considered
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unintensionable
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unintentional
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. It is
also
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possible to say that you may go easy on them
considering
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, considering
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they did not hurt anybody.
Moreover
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,
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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between felonies and age is the best solution you can do.
For instance
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, if a 3 year old commited a
crime
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crime,
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would you
but
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put
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him in jail ?. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that balance is key, you can not treat a
7 year old
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7-year-old
like an 30 years old, crimes and age should all be considered before judgment.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. At first, you say teens should get adult punishment, but in the end, you say age and crime should both be looked at. Keep one clear view from start to end.
task response
Add fuller support for each main idea. Your car crash example helps, but the second body part needs a clearer example and more detail.
task response
Explain your ideas in a more direct way. Some points are hard to follow, so the reader may not fully understand your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part. This will help the reader know your main point at once.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Words like 'however', 'for example', and 'in conclusion' are used, but some are not used in the best place.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and paragraph flow. Some sentences do not connect well, so the essay feels a bit broken in places.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear essay shape with an opening, two body parts, and an ending.
task response
You try to use an example to support your idea, and this is good for the task.
task response
Your ending gives your final view, which helps close the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • psychological maturity
  • consequences of their actions
  • juvenile crime
  • root causes
  • family breakdown
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • harsh penalties
  • rehabilitation and reformation
  • capacity for change
  • detrimental psychological effects
  • age-appropriate interventions
  • constructive path
  • deterrent
  • overcrowded prisons
  • exacerbate criminal behavior
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