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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your option

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Nowadays, the number of people think that the
Use synonyms
under-age
Correct your spelling
underage
 activities are essential to shape them,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that the experiences during their
school-life is
Correct subject-verb agreement
school life are
show examples
 more important to their future. From my perspective, both cases
are
Verb problem
apply
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greatly influence
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
While
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under-age
Use synonyms
 activities may form critical thinking, experience through school-life shapes their social
skill
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with,
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under-age
Correct your spelling
underage
 children,
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 can be
categorized
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categorised
show examples
 between 5-7 years old, have a crucial part of their life in shaping their
mind
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minds
show examples
.
Hence
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, most of the children
in
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at
show examples
such
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 ages notably need nutritious
meal
Check wording
meals
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of food to nurture their brains.
In addition
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, some toys
such
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 as
puzzle
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puzzles
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, matching
shape
Check wording
shapes
show examples
,
lego
Capitalize the proper name
Lego
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 bricks and so on are commercially
sell
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sold
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 for their
mind
Use the right word
mental
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 growth.
Moreover
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, some information
also
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claim
Correct subject-verb agreement
claims
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 that the
under-age
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 time is highly crucial for their development before going to formal school.
On the other hand
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, the opposite opinion, which claims that the
teenagers
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' experience gives
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
future
Punctuation problem
future,
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 is actually essential as well. The
teenagers
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 still need to improve their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
, but social skills are
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 important.
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
under-age
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 childs learns critical thinking to prepare their
school-life
Correct your spelling
school life
,
teenagers
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 need to understand
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how they
socialize
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socialise
show examples
 with others to align their life in society.
For example
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, if
teenagers
Use synonyms
 do not try to implement or understand
this
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 social
skill
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, they will
brutally struggle
Correct word order
struggle brutally
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 in their work-life.
Moreover
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, in
business
Correct article usage
the business
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 world, communication is a key that absolutely
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 the path of
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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 company.
Therefore
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, social
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skill
Check wording
skills
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 like how to communicate properly
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 absolutely
need
Wrong verb form
needed
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 to be studied. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
under-age
Correct your spelling
underage
 experiences are critical to shape their critical thinking,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 need to form their social
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 to understand how
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 works.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully, then make your own view very clear.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support each main idea.
task response
Explain why early years matter more, or why teen years matter more, in a deeper way.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas with simple linking words like first, also, however, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main idea and develop it step by step.
task response
You discuss both views, so you address the main task.
task response
Your opinion is given in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like on the other hand and therefore.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • experiences
  • influence
  • future
  • development
  • childhood
  • teenagers
  • independence
  • emotional
  • skills
  • relationships
  • decisions
  • identity
  • growth
  • interactions
  • foundation
  • pathway
  • importance
  • education
  • social
  • complex
  • part-time jobs
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