IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many students graduate high school and want to continue studying in another country. Give the reasons why they want to do this and give some problems that they might face.

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The world has greatly changed, especially in education.
Students
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 around the world
study
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 hard to graduate from high school with good grades. Some
students
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 want to continue studying in another country.
This
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 essay will examine reasons why they want to do
this
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 and give some problems that they might
face
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. On the one hand, there are many reasons to
study
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 in other countries.
First,
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students
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 search for a good education consider studying in Europe. They find
European
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that European
show examples
 universities provide high levels of education.
For example
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, Oxford, Swansea, Bristol and Manchester universities.
Second,
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some
students
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 would like to live an independent life. People who can depend on themselves are going to like it. They will be cooking, cleaning,
and
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apply
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going to the supermarket and taking care of their needs alone.
Third,
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it would be interesting to visit new nations and see different cultures. Spending time with new people and making new friends helps
students
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 learn new languages and improve their social skills.
Moreover
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,
on the other hand
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,
students
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 who
study
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 in other countries might
face
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 multiple problems.
First,
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Muslim
students
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 who
study
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 in Europe
face
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 a problem in eating meat and chicken. Muslims are allowed to eat halal food only.
Therefore
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, if they would like to eat these meals, they must search in several places around their flat.
In addition
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, transportation is a barrier that many
students
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face
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 if they
study
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 outside. They might find difficulty in getting a driving license.
Moreover
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, probably they are going to use the buses, metros, or the underground , which might be a problem to navigate.
Finally
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,
students
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 who
study
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 outside have a limited budget. They must know how to spend their money wisely.
For example
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, they shouldn’t buy things that they don’t need ,
such
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 as expensive televisions. In conclusion, it’s clear to see that there are plenty of reasons to
study
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 outside.
However
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, there are some serious problems that
students
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 are going to
face
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.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more full way. You give reasons and problems, but some points need more detail.
task response
Add one clear example for each main idea. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Make some sentences more clear and direct. A few ideas are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. 'On the one hand' and 'Moreover, on the other hand' sound a bit forced here.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas more carefully. Put similar problems together and explain each one before you move on.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
task response
You give more than one reason and more than one problem.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs have one main focus.
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