IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
In today's globalised world,
people
Use synonyms
 have unlimited access to
music
Use synonyms
. It is widely believed that
music
Use synonyms
 is an incredibly powerful tool to bridge the gap between
people
Use synonyms
 from different cultures and
generations
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, and I will present some reasons as set out below.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
music
Use synonyms
 can spread around the world, no matter its language, and it can live over ages.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because
music
Use synonyms
 is a universal language that crosses cultural boundaries.
In other words
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it
Capitalize the word
It
show examples
 has the power to evoke emotions and connect
people
Use synonyms
 on a deeper level. It is a good example that during musical festivals or concerts audience stops paying attention to each other's nationality and shares the same emotions and excitement.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 is naturally able to connect different
generations
Use synonyms
, creating a sense of unity. Older and younger
generations
Use synonyms
 can bond over shared experience, fostering community togetherness.
For instance
Linking Words
, during traditional Uzbek weddings and family gatherings, classic Uzbek songs are often played, getting early adults interested in
classic
Replace the word
classical
music
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, listening to
classic
Replace the word
classical
music
Use synonyms
,
Verb problem
helps
show examples
 younger adults understand the elderly's mindsets, which enhances mutual respect between
generations
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that
music
Use synonyms
 brings
people
Use synonyms
 together regardless of their nationality and
ages
Check wording
age
show examples
 in many ways.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: You answer the question and your view is clear from the start. To get a higher score, add one more clear reason and explain it more fully.
task response
Task response: Your ideas are good, but some parts are a bit general. Try to show exactly how music helps people from different cultures and ages in real life.
task response
Task response: Your example about Uzbek weddings is relevant. You can make it stronger by adding one more specific detail.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This helps the reader follow your main idea well.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Most linking words are used well, like 'To begin with', 'Additionally', and 'To sum up'. Be careful with sentence breaks, because one sentence is cut in the middle.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some ideas need smoother flow. For example, connect the idea of concerts more clearly to people from different cultures, not only shared feelings.
task response
You clearly state your opinion in the first paragraph.
task response
You give a relevant example from family and wedding events.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs with a simple and easy order.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending matches your main view and closes the essay well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: