In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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citizens from rural
area
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areas
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are moving to megapolises,
as a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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the number of
people
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living in
countryside
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the countryside
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is decreasing. I believe that
this
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is
positive
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a positive
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development, since
city
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the city
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is the
center
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centre
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of new opportunities
and
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, and
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as
population
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the population
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in villages is declining, the
unemployment
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rate will
also
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decline.
Urbanization
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Urbanisation
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is
positive
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a positive
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trend for several reasons. First of all, there
a
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are a
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large
amount
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number
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of workplaces, and individuals who are moving to cities will have
chance
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a chance
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to find a job and earn some money.
Moreover
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, urban
are
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areas
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will provide some educational opportunities,
residents
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while residents
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of rural
are
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areas
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can gain higher education. Which will result in the increasing of the literacy rate. Young generation,
for example
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, who are moving to cities are studying at universities and working in high paid work places. In terms of decreasing
number of
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the
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population in rural
area
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areas
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, it has positive consequences. In rural
towns
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towns,
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business is not developed, that’s why there are a couple of
work places
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workplaces
for
people
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there. Because of
this
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in
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, in
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some countries
unemployment
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percentage is higher.
However
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, if
urbanization
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urbanisation
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happens faster,
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unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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rate
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also will
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will also
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fall. In rural areas,
for instance
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,
people
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are mostly involved in agriculture, which does not require
too much
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many
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people
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, so
people
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have to move to
city
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the city
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.
As a result
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small population of villages will be employed. In conclusion, from my point of
view
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view,
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the growing number of
people
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migrating to cities from rural areas is
positive
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a positive
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trend because
this
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will decrease the
unemployment
Use synonyms
level and will provide individuals with new
job
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jobs
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and educational opportunities.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. You say it is positive, but you should also show why some people may think it is negative, then explain why you still choose positive.
task response
Make your main ideas clearer. Each body paragraph should have one clear main point, then explain it step by step.
task response
Use more specific examples. Your examples are a bit general. Add one real or clear example to make your idea stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Some sentences do not connect well, so the reader must guess your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Put similar ideas together. In paragraph 2, jobs and education are both good ideas, but they need clearer order.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each point more. Some ideas are repeated, but not fully explained.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep this opinion to the end.
task response
You answer the main question and stay on the topic of moving from the countryside to cities.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words like first of all, moreover, however, and as a result.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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