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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, in many countries, fewer people are aspire to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reason for this, and how could this problem be solved.

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In recent days, the number of
fewer
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
desire
Correct pronoun usage
who desire
show examples
 to become
teachers
Use synonyms
, specifically
Verb problem
has decreased, specifically
show examples
 in secondary schools.
This
Linking Words
 issue is becoming
increasing
Correct word choice
increasingly problematic
show examples
 as financial guarantee is not stable and psychological strain
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 less
interest
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 profession.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
show examples
 the reason behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and suggest some viable measures to mitigate the problem. The root cause of
this
Linking Words
 issue is financial instability. Most of the
courtries
Correct your spelling
countries
 do not have
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 pay scale for
teachers
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, educators face severe issues
to cover
Change preposition
in covering
show examples
 their daily expenses.
In addition
Linking Words
, they do not receive any incentives
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 makes their life more miserable as food and other
aminities
Correct your spelling
amenities
 prices are increasing sharply
in the global
Rephrase
globally
show examples
. Another reason is
other
Correct word choice
that other
show examples
 professionals earn more than
any
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
teachers
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
loss
Replace the word
lose
 their
interest
Use synonyms
to become
Change preposition
in becoming
show examples
 a teacher in future.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Government
Use synonyms
schools
Check wording
schools'
show examples
 pay scale
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 lower than
other
Correct pronoun usage
that of other
show examples
 institutions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they experience
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 shortage
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 hiring
teachers
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
teaching
Correct article usage
the teaching
show examples
 profession does not have any incentives compared to other professions. After their retirement, they get lumsum pension
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 demotivates
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation to become an educator.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in recent days
losing
Wrong verb form
have lost
show examples
interest
Use synonyms
 in becoming a teacher. Despite the severity of
this
Linking Words
 problem, several viable measures can be implemented to mitigate
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
its
show examples
 impact. First of all, to combat
this
Linking Words
 concern, authorities must introduce
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 pay scale for
teachers
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 initiative will increase
interest
Use synonyms
 in becoming an education among the new generation. If
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 introduce attractive salaries for
teachers
Use synonyms
,
vast
Correct article usage
the vast
show examples
 majority of young
people
Use synonyms
 will
portray
Verb problem
express
show examples
 their
interest
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 UK authorities have increased the remuneration for
teachers
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have seen
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 increase
rate
Change preposition
in the rate
show examples
 for
teachers
Use synonyms
 job
application
Check wording
applications
show examples
 within six months.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should not only increase salaries but
also
Linking Words
 they should introduce incentives for educators.
As a result
Linking Words
, the new generation will jump for teaching profession.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
government
Use synonyms
 initiative should be
implented
Correct your spelling
implemented
 as soon as
possibile
Correct your spelling
possible
 so that there will less shortage for
teachers
Use synonyms
 in the country. In conclusion,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 requires a
colllective
Correct your spelling
collective
 effort from both
government
Use synonyms
 and teaching professional authorities to curb
this
Linking Words
 trend.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give reasons and solutions, but some points are repeated.
task response
Make each main idea clear with one strong reason and one clear result.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and more exact.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is weak or repeated. Use simple links like first, also, because, so, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word form errors. Keep sentences shorter and clearer.
task response
You answer both the cause and solution parts of the task.
task response
You stay on the topic through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and easy to see.
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