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Band 5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Many cultures teach
children
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 by explaining the
impacts
Check wording
importance
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 of ambition and trying hard in order to
be achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
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 in
life
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.
While
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this
Linking Words
 message might motivate them and possess great determination
or
Correct word choice
,
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 it can
even
Rephrase
also
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 create unrealistic expectations. In the following paragraphs, both pros and cons will be discussed in detail
,
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apply
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 before reaching the conclusion. On the one hand, one concern is that
children
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 are likely to think that everything is achievable
despite
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, despite
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 being
realistic
Correct word choice
unrealistic
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 and considering different circumstances.
This
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 could lead to disappointment for not achieving the particular goals that were expected by the family or other people.
Additionally
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,
children
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 may confront
stressfulness
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stress
 and burnout.
Moreover
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,
It
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it
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 is essential to
recognize
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recognise
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 that
life
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 has various paths for everyone
and
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, and
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 we are not meant to get everything that we put a lot of effort into. To illustrate
this
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, people follow diverse directions and reach goals at various times, influenced by myriad factors
such
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 as background, resources, and
life
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 experiences.
On the other hand
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, the most significant benefit is that kids can build a strong positive attitude of “Grit”. These words combine two important things, which are passion and perseverance for long-term achievements, working physically and mentally hard to make the future a reality.
For instance
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, the Chinese education system requires students to be highly disciplined and academically competitive. students that are more determined and resilient turn out to be more successful than the others.
Moreover
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, achieving certain aims could spark a rise in self-confidence,
besides
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 enormous motivation
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 conducted since the success of the
last
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 attempt
making
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, making
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 kids assured in themselves and would like to do it once again.
For example
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, Cristiano Ronaldo's early success after years of intensive training strengthened his confidence and motivated him to continue improving, eventually becoming one of the greatest football players in history. In conclusion, when teaching
children
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 that effort is essential for achieving aspirations can foster hard work and determination
,
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;
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 it is
also
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 important to
recognize
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recognise
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 the limitations
on
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of
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this
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 belief.
Children
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 should be encouraged to make a great effort, but they should
also
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 be taught to understand that failure is a part of
life
Use synonyms
 and that success is not always guaranteed, even with maximum dedication. Balancing
this
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 message is crucial for their
overall
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 well-being and development.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more direct way in each main paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea clear in the first sentence of each paragraph.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more so the reader can see why they matter.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and clear way, not too many.
task response
Keep each example short and clearly tied to the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence follows the one before in a smooth way.
task response
You answered both the good side and the bad side of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You used examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow most of the time.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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