Many students graduate from high school and want to leave their home countries to study overseas. Give the reasons why many students want to do this and give some problems that they might face while studying abroad.

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Society has changed a great deal , and that includes education. Many
students
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nowadays wish to
study
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overseas. After graduating from high school, they wish to leave their country.
This
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essay will examine the reasons why many
students
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want to
study
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abroad and some
problems
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that they might
face
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. On the one hand, studying overseas might be a portal for a new life for
students
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.
First,
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they would
study
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overseas for a better education. They may
study
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at world class Universities and have outstanding professors teach them.
Also
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,
this
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can translate into better employment opportunities.
Moreover
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, they will engage in a new lifestyle.
For example
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, they will make new friends and live in a new community. It could be enjoyable for a large number of
students
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to have a new life.
Finally
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,
students
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will learn to be independent and self-sufficient. They will learn to be independent and responsible.
Students
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must manage their money
as well as
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their time. They are responsible for all their decision-making.
On the other hand
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,
students
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might
face
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serious
problems
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.
First,
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they would need to do everything by themselves.
This
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includes
,
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apply
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washing the dishes and cleaning their room.
Furthermore
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, buying groceries and cooking could be difficult for many
students
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.
Second,
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they might
face
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financial
problems
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. High tuition, rent and living expenses might leave them broke.
Also
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, there might not be enough funds for basic needs and entertainment.
Finally
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, the hardest problem for studying overseas is homesickness. Undoubtedly, they would miss the warm love of their family.
Also
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, they would miss their friends and the support they provide. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are numerous reasons why
students
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wish to
study
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overseas.
However
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, it is obvious that they will
face
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some
problems
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.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give reasons and problems, but some ideas need more depth.
task response
Add one or two more clear examples to support your main ideas.
task response
Some points are repeated, like learning to be independent. Try to avoid saying the same idea twice.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, but a few more natural links between ideas would help.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea group, and develop each point a little more.
task response
You answer the question and discuss both reasons and problems.
task response
Your ideas are easy to follow and mostly stay on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are clear, and the order of ideas is logical.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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