IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to artists, musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Funding has a great impact on
artists
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',
musicians
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' and poets' performance, and it gives an opportunity to improve their quality of life.
While
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 some individuals believe that they ought to receive financial aid, others argue that giving financial aid to them requires allocating more resources, which cuts vital funds off from other significant areas,
such
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 as education and health.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both sides with relevant arguments and examples, and it will show my position in the end. On the one hand, allocating more resources to fund individuals who have a bond with any branch of art, music
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 poetry places a strain on the
economy
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.
This
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 funding
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
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 an excessive amount of money because their imagination cannot confine them within any limit that goes beyond unique wishes. When the
government
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fulfills
Change the spelling
fulfils
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 these wishes,
they
Fix the agreement mistake
it
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 cannot spend sufficient money on improving
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 and healthcare
industry
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industries
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.
As a result
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, schools and hospitals, suffered from the lack of funds, cannot survive.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 group of
people
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,
such
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 as
artists
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,
musicians
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, and poets, can continue and preserve cultural heritage, which is vital for any country because they are fundamental pillars of society.
This
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 is because these heritages draw tourists' attention from all across the world, which can boost the
economy
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.
As a result
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, if the
government
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 relieves pressure on
artists
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 and
musicians
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, they can freely create
artifacts
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artefacts
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 and music for their country. To illustrate, England paid great attention to its rock stars, who contributed to the
economy
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 by releasing albums.
Furthermore
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, their international followers visited England and tried to learn English to understand the songs, which were critical for the
economy
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. In my opinion,
this
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 group of
people
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 has a great impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
,
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;
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 they can improve their culture and boost the
economy
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. In order to preserve the culture and manage the
economy
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, the
government
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 should support their finances. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
artists
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 and
musicians
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 should make money themselves because when the
government
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 tries to give them funds, there would be a detrimental effect on the other industries, I firmly maintain that
this
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 group of
people
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 play a significant role in not only preserving the culture but
also
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 boosting the
economy
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.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. The first side is a bit short and not fully explained.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from the start and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
Use one or two stronger and more real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more clearly. A few sentences jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check word use in linking phrases. Some links are used well, but a few feel forced.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and present.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph plan.
task response
You used an example about England to support your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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