Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Achieving efficiency is necessary for companies and
also
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for individuals to improve grades, leaving people deciding whether they should compete in various aspects of life or collude with each other.
This
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essay will discuss these opposing views and present my opinion. Competition enhances
workers
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workers'
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and
students
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students'
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productivity by comparing their own achievements. It effectively assists in establishing companies' reputations and attracting investments.
In addition
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, competing in education helps students to do research
deeper
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more deeply
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and learn new information in order to get better grades.
For example
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, several schools and companies have rankings based on
productivity
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the productivity
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of employees.
Therefore
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, competition drives individuals to perform better.
While
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competing develops only individual performers, cooperating with others works where teamwork is demanded. Usually, cooperation is crucial when critical thinking plays a vital role. Since
,
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apply
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the limitation of an individual's mindset could be easily broken by teamwork.
Moreover
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, cooperating with coworkers could save time on projects by delegating responsibilities.
For instance
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, in team sports like football, managers delegate positions on the field based on strong sides and communication between players
,
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;
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such
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teams mostly beat commands based on individual performances.
Hence
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, having a community could be a solution to being dependent on someone.
To conclude
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, the question whether cooperating with coworkers or competing with them is better
,
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apply
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depends on which achievements are required,
in particular
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, whether it needs to enhance an individual's performance or
inventing
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invent
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new ideas. For me
as
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, as
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an individual athlete
competing
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, competing
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with others works better, because it drives
to
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me to
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developing
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develop
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skills
and
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, and
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the result depends only on
yourself
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myself
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, making personal growth the ultimate reward for every single effort
you
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I
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invest.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You do this, but your own view can be clearer from the start.
task response
Give ideas in a more direct way. Some lines are hard to follow because of word choice and grammar.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and real. This will make your points stronger.
coherence cohesion
Make links between ideas smoother. Some sentences do not flow well to the next one.
coherence cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each paragraph. A few parts change direction too fast.
coherence cohesion
Check sentence opening words like 'Since' and linking words like 'Therefore' and 'Hence'. Sometimes they are not used well.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion, so the task is covered.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples about school, work, and sport, which helps support your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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